Bananas are America's #1 fruit
so i've decided that waiting for a logical start date for a blog about my life...err, i mean, the lives of local produce... doesn't really work because you simply never get around to it when the actual date does arrive and it's convenient to put it off to another supposedly significant date. like i thought i'd start a blog at the beggining of the school year, didn't happen... like i thought i'd start the blog when i started dating my current "boy" to sort of document that drama, didn't happen... or that i start chronicling my life with a nice photo of my sailor drag experience for this year's halloween bash, you guessed it. DIDN'T HAPPEN (that's probably a good thing, it might have turned people away, then again... bananas really aren't that better.
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speaking of bananas, starting a blog is also like buying a bunch when they are all green and you have to wait a day or two before they start getting ripe. now if you're like me, which you probably aren't, you like bananas when they are still relatively firm (funny how things relatively longer than they are wide and that go in your mouth, are usually firm... winky winky) and not mushy mushy and overly ripe. well anyways, say you have a regular bunch of five or six bananas, the first one or two you get at their prime and you thoroughly enjoy the experience of soft yet firm banana-ness. but then you're life gets busy or whatnot and day by day you pass by the remaining four bananas clinging to each other and they start getting spotted and start getting less... firm. now you might be somewhat inclined to rip one off on your dash to work and then maybe rip another off as just a random thing to eat at four AM in the morning. so now you got two and by this time, these survivors have been through it all and show for it with nice big splotches and that particular smell that old things tend to produce. so you try to pawn one off to a friend and if you're lucky they take it, mushy banana eater friends are always handy. and finally from a young full-bodied sextet of luscious bananas, there remains a lone ranger, sitting on your counter getting older and older and blacker and blacker and smellier and smellier, way past any point where anyone, even a mushy banana eater would even consider coming close to it. eventually there are two options, you either trash the bio experiment on your kitchen counter and pray the universe doesn't have that cruel of a sense of humor and reincarnate you as a banana... or you get all your other firm banana eater friends who are in the same predictament, and you pool your overly ripe bananas together and you make banana bread, because banana bread really is wonderful with over ripe bananas.
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so that is like starting a blog in what way? i'm not exactly sure actually now that i am thinking about it. i was going for something to the effect that you simply put it off and put it off when you should have just gorged on bananas or have made a banana theme meal... like banana fruit salad with banana muffins with fried banana... plenty of uses for the amazing fruit. and although this is hardly a blog devoted to idolization of the banana... here are some interesting factoids:
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* The average American consumes over 28 pounds of bananas each year.
* Over 96% of American households purchase bananas at least once each month.
* There is no such thing as a banana tree. Bananas grow on plants.
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and finally...
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* Bananas are America's #1 fruit.
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now you might be wondering, what the fuck is this all about really? well, the last factoid i found ironically amusing, and i'll forgive you if you don't find the humor i do in it because it is notably esoteric. now... i personally love the use of metaphor in writing, and especially the use of metaphor and "double entendre", or basically words or phrases that can be understood in multiple ways depending on what perspective or knowledge one perceives it with. now, first esoteric fact :
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a "banana" is sort of a racially tinged word within asian american culture. the other popular term to the same effect is "twinky". now... think about the color of the main component parts of both a banana and a twinky and what outside and what's inside. i hope the meaning is obvious but if not, well... then you shouldn't read my blog anymore because you don't have the requisite IQ. now, why i find the factoid that "bananas are america's #1 fruit" is that there actually exists a least two possible double entendre words in this statement, one being banana and one being fruit.
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so yes ... asians who act white also happen to be america's favorite fags.
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what the fuck?
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well... let's just say the title of the blog is another exercise of double entendre. by the way, i personally kind of like pears more, but what does a banana really know?
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posted by faux chink @ 10:07 PM
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