12.18.2007

Like a Fat Kid Loves Cake / Who's Afraid of Turning 30?

i went to the doctor today to get him to get me some blood tests done regarding blood sugars and cholesterol, etc. In just taking the regular measurements i was honestly taken aback on just how MUCH weight i had gain since just my last doctor visit in august! i knew that my pants felt a little tight lately but to actually see the scale register that number just kind of blew me away.
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but all in all i'm shouldn't be really that surprised. and in a way, the extra weight just gives me more motivation to move on what i have decided is going to my major new year's resolution for 2008 ... the resolution to move towards as healthy of a lifestyle regarding diet, exercise, and stress as i can. i'm not excatly sure why i came up with this notion, maybe its the subconcious working itself out, despite my conscious efforts of ignoring the palpable feelings of my waist against my pants. now this resolution isn't really that "goal" orientated as in i want to loose x amount of pounds by x time (although it would be nice to shave the 10 lbs i gained by "gaycation" time)... i really am trying to frame this as a "long term" goal.
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and to help me, i've enlisted the help of my friend kahl .. who studied nutrition and physical fitness and does a little freelance "personal training" as well. the boy is a well of knowledge regarding diet and eating right and also exercise technique and i hope to glean as much from him as possible! and when i say "long term".. i really am trying to think that way as well. in short, my "goal" if you can call it that... is to by the time i'm 30 (16 months away!... not sooo long term) to "be" in the best health i have "ever" been in. now ... i do feel this is "realistic" as.. i've never been "skinny" and have always been not as healthy as i could have been ... but i hope that starting 2008 ... i will be able to slowly make "lifestyle" changes that will gear me towards "healthy" living ... so i can be a hot 30 year old! or more realistically at the very least i can coast the 30s in decent shape and not totally loose myself as many guys do once their metabolisms aren't going as they use to.
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and i think ultimately that maybe half of what it boils down to really... is that i'm embracing "aging" ... and turning 30 to me... instead of being the end of my youth ... i like to think as a "resurgence" of my youth and enthusiasm for life. actually i'm pretty excited about 30 ... and making myself believe i can be the person i want to be by then ... makes me even more excited to be 30!
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i have to be honest, the past year has been quite hum drum and at times i've been feeling sort of dis-located or lost or what have you. i dunno, my 27th year was such a marathon of "achievements" ... graduating, getting a job, moving, new friends, buying a house, renovating it, having (then loosing) a boyfriend ... that i think i may have "burned" myself out in some ways. don't get me wrong, i still believe 27 was a great year ... a year that a once hook up prophetically said would be the year everything "gell-ed".... but they way i see it, is that maybe things started gell-ing ... but it won't be until 30, that things "set". but somehow all the things that happened when i was 27, depsite being all "good" things, sort of left me i thinking ... well, ok... what now? then again, maybe its really something a little different? i mean ever since my break up with ron, which was a little before turning 28, i have been honestly really "lazy" ... lazy about professional development, lazy about my other responsibilities, lazy about getting back into the saddle to find happiness again ... ... and to be honest ... i don't really think i'm that happy with some things in my life ... or more precisely ... i'm not happy about my lack of enthusiasm to change what i am not happy about.... BUT now ... i'm tired of being lazy and i'm tired of being unhappy.
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eventhough i've always prided myself at being as pro-active and straight to solution as possible kind of guy. but i dunno, of late ... i just haven't really "tried" as hard ... or i dunno ... been afraid to?
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whatever the case though ... i will say that if anything truly positive has happened over the course of this year, is that i feel like i have found a social circle that is positive, life-affirming, and consequently now ... i'm feeling the effect in the sense of it making me want to really ... live .... again. ok, that's a bit melodramatic, i have always wanted to live ... but seeing my friends happy and knowing that i am able to make them happy ... for some off reason, has energized my own self-worth in a little way.
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and because i feel my own value again, in some weird way it makes me realize that there really is a very real reason for me to try to be the best i can be .. or something like that. sometimes i think, that being with ron and then not being with him may have affected me more than i thought ... maybe in the sense, that for a brief span of time, there was someone who i was willing to mean everything to and vice versa. when that was pulled from underneath my feet, maybe it shook that sense of self-worth a little bit. i wonder if that makes sense?
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anyways... whatever the reasons, i've decided that 30 will be absolutely fabulous ... and i'm taking steps to make sure it is. in preparation for transitioning into a new lifestyle, i've been for a good 2 months (none of this really collectively planned though ... it all sort of just came in pieces) now... being starting exercising through biking, been "slightly" more conscious of eating (although the weight gain is a concern but i think the culprit is easy to spot ... uh... cake?), and get ready for this ... for a solid month now ... i have not smoked. and hopefully all these steps will build upon a new year that see a revised sense of eating and exercising using the resources i have around me ... a renewed outlook on stressors in my life ... and hopefully a renewed enthusiasm to get somewhere else professionally (it seriously due time!).
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yes ... 30 will be absolutely fabulous.
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and when i turn 30, i will have by then become truly adept at pastry and cake making ... and i'll let myself make a cake ... and eat it too. ;-)
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speaking of cakes, some more creations ala Raunche.
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1 Comments:

At 10:40 PM, Blogger Robert said...

wow Alex that's so great - you haven't smoked for a month? that is impressive! I was running the other day...huffing and puffing... and came to the realization that..."it's time". We need to be quitting buddies! Honestly I know it sounds vain but I am worried I will gain wait when I quit....that's a poor excuse though. Anyway - keep up the good work!

 

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