Me Likee
last night i went out on a "coffee date" with a guy i met very recently. overall, it went very well i thought... for some reason, this guy simply pushed the right buttons for me. its almost kind of scary actually... when you meet a guy you actually "really" like... on multiple levels... at least in the begginning.... for me... i get kind of scattered brained and become a little pre-occupied about if i'm "good" enough for him or not. i'm not sure if i should regard this is a positive or negative way since i guess negatively one could say a reaction like that is just a sign of low self-esteem.... but in a somewhat roundabout rationality, i could see this as a positive thing, because its these kind of people that make me reach down in my bag of tricks... to see what i can bring to the table.... and that usually brings out some usually hidden gems in my personality.
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a thought occured to me when i was lightly comparing my feelings from the recent spate of dates between 3 guys (ok ok... it was 3 dates with 1 guy and 1 date each with 2 guys (one was just coffee!!).... it seemed like the first two guys i went out with... there was a lot of thinking... rationalizing, intellectualizing, portfolio managing so to speak...."trying" to see if i was into a guy or not. with the first guy, it was like... hmmm... not all that intellectually stimulating BUT he's a good kisser... yeah he can be ho drum, BUT he's a nice guy. with the second guy, it was more like... he's cute, he articulate, BUT there wasn't some strange sensation you get when i dunno... you're... "intrigued" by someone. i mean... seriously, this makes no sense what-so-ever.... because guy #2 was both cuter and smarter and to boot in general, a nice guy... but for some reason... how do you say, there was no sense of joivre de vive in the date. and he annoyed the hell out of me by checking out guys on our date. i dunno... i think i'm going through male menopause... oh, rewrite... you men gay man's sexual withdrawal!
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BUT... this guy.... in a most uncanny way.... and it is always uncanny... when i meet men like this... there was something that made me WANT to get to know him more... and the more i learned, the more interesting i became. i've met only a handful of men like this over the course of my short... or long depending on "what" you count....dating life.... all men that in a strange juvenile way incite fantasies of what it would like... together.... aka... oh my god.... as boyfriends! my point is.... this guy i didn't have to "think" about.... it was just a gut feeling i had that i like this guy. i mean, i'm trying not to make it sound as if it was just my loins speaking (although he is unnervingly adorable!.... very disconcerting!) because it isn't.... this a boy that fills alex's "checklist"
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intelligent... check. articulate... check. cultured... check. funny.... check. well mannered... check. opinonated... check. passionate... check. but open minded and tolerant... check. "quirky".... check. but grounded... check. sensible... check. but fun... check. able to relish in silly and stupid... check. able to teach me things i never knew about... check. willing to share about himself... check. willing to listen to me rant.... check. talks about family in a good way... check. talks about friends in a good way... check. seems genuinely kind.... check. seems genuine.... check.
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haha.... ok ok.... those are the important things.... but here's some of the juicier (and much more flexible) parts of the "checklist". 5'6" to 5'10".... check. of "decent" shape at least.... check. dark hair.... check. green/blue eyes... check (blue). 5 o' clock shadow... OMG!..... check. nice lips... check. nice eyes... check. nice smile... check. nice teeth... hmm... didn't really notice this one. body hair to a degree... hmmm... well... no clothes were taken off during coffee... but this boy has curly's sprouting out of his shirt... that probably says something.... i think it could be good. doesn't matter... i'm sure he's a pheonomenal kisser with taht oh so sexy stubble... haha.
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blah blah... anyways. so obviously its clear i am into him. we talked for almost 2 hours i eventually realized.... about all sorts of issues. conversation was relatively easy... some small moments of quiet but i guess just as rest periods before someone would make some comment that would send us off in another direction. eye contact was there... both were actually listening and i was actually interested in most of what he was saying.
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you know if nothing else... and i mean honestly... this guy would be fun to hang out with just as a friend.
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oh funny story... so we go to starbuck's to have coffee ... and i certainly wasn't the only guy in there who thought my date was cute. the barista couldn't stop flirting with my date... first it was while we were ordering coffee.... the dude literally kept staring and smiling and making small talk with my date. but i knew who was going out with cutey-pie and who was pouring coffee at minimum wage... so there... but still... kind of annoying no? he literally kept looking at my date and smiling while he was "listening" to my order and ringing me up... he actually slipped my credit card towards my date first and then switched it to me.... HOW RUDE! he even came by a few times while we were talking and tried to make small talk... it was actually getting annoying... and i think my date was annoyed but prob less as i guess attention is always kind of nice. we did get free muffins out of it so that was cool... haha. but i think 95% of that evening was "us" time so that's cool... thats what i think. but still... speaking of dating feau paxs... never flirt we a guy who is obviously on a date with another guy... especially IN FRONT of the other guy! so tacky!
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i drove him home and ask if he would have dinner with me. he said yes.... after a split second hesitation it seemed (but i won't worry about it now). to be honest, and this is more reflective of the negative aspect of my self-questioning ... but these "kind" of guys are the kind i doubt would go for me really... ultimately in the end that is... somehow i just don't see myself bringing the necessary "goods"... what ever those are. its moments like these that kind of counter-balance the silly giddiness i have over men i instictively like, causing me to spend half the workday google stalking them (i found out a lot thank you very much).... it grounds me in a way... but kind of makes me scared of these guys too.
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it very easy to dismiss men who you "have to" rationalize into thinking you like them or that you might like them... if you gave them time to show themselves (which i do believe in to a degree but does sound like "settling"... maybe not so BAD a thing no?) like i told my friend jake... that first guy... i don't like "enough" to call him back and see why he hasn't called me back after i replied to his email.
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but that's the thing about this guy i went for coffee with. once in a blue moon, i'll meet a man, who i not only like "enough"... but who makes me.... swoon... this is an appropriate word... to become romantic for. most of the time this has happened... the flame has extinguished faster than it was lit.... but i have to say.. for a few days... it was fun :) i still won't forget the first time i met a guy who i thought was "perfect".... haha, it hurt like hell when he just stopped returning my calls and dropped off the face of the earth... but for a moment, you realized you were just yearning for love as much as the next lovesick fool.... and it was... invigorating in some odd way.
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so who cares if ultimately he dumps my ass eventually after garnering a few free meals? how often does a man come along that you don't have to "think" about.... to a man, who's life is pure neurosis sometimes... this could be a sign of something wonderful to begin... if nothing else... it will be at least a learning expereince of how silly you can fall for someone based on nothing but daydreams and smiles.
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and some facts are encouraging... he's the one who suggested to meet for coffee... so technically he "ask me out"... haha... although i guess you can't really call it a "date". but we'll see how dinner goes... which will a date... and where i'll prob want to get a kiss (and that's it seriously!) if the same magic is there. some strange reason... its making me a little giddy just thinking of it.
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heehee... i think we'd be a good couple... we're very similar... yet drastically different. and funny enough.... if he were to become my boo(oh please oh please... haha... no.. really... kidding...am i?)... it would officially make me a jew-lover.... 3 out of 4 "relationships"? my be the curly dark hair... although the first jew was as aryan as they came i thought.... but what does a silly chink like me know?
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stayed tuned....the swooner's commeth.
posted by faux chink @ 2:32 AM
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