I Think I Can Pencil in a Date Then
i was chatting with my ex this morning about how i'd like to go on a date. (nice that i can do that eventhough i also relish keeping him in the dark about the identity of the guy i have a psuedo-crush on) it's been so long. haha. now mind you, believe it or not, this is a different sentiment than getting laid...although i'm not saying i'd turn it down. haha. no, but i'd like to go out for a dinner and a movie with some charming, somewhat intelligent guy, even if i don't think we have anything in common. actually no, i take that back... we have to have something in common. lately, i've been on some "hanging out" escapades, i guess as a substitute for dating, figuring i just wanted to be friends, and i realized, even if you're just "hanging out", some people really are just not right... no chemistry i guess. makes sense though, i mean that's why some people stick as friends and some don't. anyways, point is... i miss the fun of dating, the flirting, from obvious to more subtle. it's great fun when you have chemistry with someone... in both situations of just "hanging out" to "dating".
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someone told me that i'm a pretty obvious flirt. am i? i wouldn't say that, well... it depends. i guess if i like a guy, who is being at least somewhat responsive to me, i do tend to flirt in a way. through witty conversation and innuendo. i mean, if the guy is just brushing me off, he can be the hottest thing in the world, but i'd eventually get tired of the game. it's those men, who aren't so clear that i find the more challenging, and therefore...sexiest. for example, mr. crush and i are suppose to "hang out" sometime soon, whatever that means, and it just tickles me silly in anticipation about it. not because it's "hanging out", but because its so unsure what it could be. i mean... seriously, he might completely imagine me as solely a friend, and i might just be spinning my wheels in fruitless imagination. but i'm like that, i can live a while on fruitless yet deliciously sweet and fecund imagination. not forever, but a while.
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however, i was also speaking to my ex, that this is probably a sign that i am really actually wanting to date for real, when i am coming up with fictitious, most likely that is, romances for me to indulge in. i mean, in a way, mr. crush is probably just a "mental placeholder" for a man that i would actually like to meet in a real way, well, not just real, but in a clearly set "dating" way that is. sigh... it just doesn't seem like i get to meet that many available men to begin with, let alone... interesting ones. but oh well, maybe all for the better, as my future is so up in the air and i wouldn't want to start anything that could become serious.
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i was joking that if i just penciled in a "date" in my datebook...scheduling book that is, i'd probably get one. only if i put my head into it. sigh... once in my life, i'd like to have one of those cutesy and romantic chance encounters that you'd tell your kids about... so this is how daddy and daddy met kids. HA! so much better than saying i met him in a sex club downtown... haha! and just in case you're wondering, i have never met any of my ex-boyfriends in sex clubs... HAHA!
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you know actually, i am too quick to say those words, because i guess i have already one of those experiences. i met my second boyfriend at a brunch with mutual friends and yes... one of those odd times where there was definite... mutual... electricity in the air. haha, i still remember the intense awareness of each other eventhough we sat at opposite ends of the table. yes, i remember trying to be extra witty even if i wasn't talking to him directly...showing off my wonderful intellect and witty repotoire so he could be even more desirous of me. haha. i'm so predictable its sad. sigh, he was a good guy i have to say... too bad i was too immature to realize it. just not the right timing i guess.
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ok, so, hmmm next week? got studio work, a paper to research, a psuedo "hanging out/date" with mr. mental placeholder, and maybe if i am lucky... and actual date. pencil that in for friday or saturday huh? ;-)
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posted by faux chink @ 5:16 PM
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