Couple-dom
i've just had a great weekend with ron and a few things this weekend made me realize that a real relationship can be a wonderful thing but man it does take continual work because its a perpetual process of looking at yourself and how you interact with people, not only just the one you particularly care about.
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but before i bore you with my boyfriend issues, a word about the past week in general. mostly it has been a mix of an uninteresting spate at work coupled with a slow rate of work on my house after work. its not that work itself has really been that boring, its just that of late, my supervisor has been pre-occupied with other projects so his guidance was sort of missing. therefore, there has been many an opportunity to slack off. these past two weeks in general i have been doing a lot of craigslist shopping for used furniture for the new place. so far i have gotten that wonderful 1930's table i got during the holidays. i have gotten a foursome of chairs that i've now converted into bar height chairs (that was a fun excursion into woodworking... haha), i've gotten a great counter height table for the kitchen. i've gotten a coffee table, a set of end tables i'm gonna use as a tv stand, a couch (leather and only $200... it was such a steal i thought!), and finally a credenza that i am gonna refinish into white for the bedroom to use as a dresser. lots of surfing on craigslist and also driving to strange people's houses to look at and then usually pick up furniture! and last but not least (because it was the MOST expensive purchase i made)... on EBAY, I won a pair of antique 1950's end tables by a famous designer.... that i paid WAAAAAAY too much for. i'm trying to tell myself that i didn't buy anything for myself for christmas and that i've gotten a lot of money lately through my christmas bonus at work, the signing bonus i never used, interest from a CD that just matured.... i can afford to splurge a little. haha... and then i do my projected budget... and realize that after i move into my house, i'll probably be living paycheck to paycheck for a while. oh well.
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but before i bore you with my boyfriend issues, a word about the past week in general. mostly it has been a mix of an uninteresting spate at work coupled with a slow rate of work on my house after work. its not that work itself has really been that boring, its just that of late, my supervisor has been pre-occupied with other projects so his guidance was sort of missing. therefore, there has been many an opportunity to slack off. these past two weeks in general i have been doing a lot of craigslist shopping for used furniture for the new place. so far i have gotten that wonderful 1930's table i got during the holidays. i have gotten a foursome of chairs that i've now converted into bar height chairs (that was a fun excursion into woodworking... haha), i've gotten a great counter height table for the kitchen. i've gotten a coffee table, a set of end tables i'm gonna use as a tv stand, a couch (leather and only $200... it was such a steal i thought!), and finally a credenza that i am gonna refinish into white for the bedroom to use as a dresser. lots of surfing on craigslist and also driving to strange people's houses to look at and then usually pick up furniture! and last but not least (because it was the MOST expensive purchase i made)... on EBAY, I won a pair of antique 1950's end tables by a famous designer.... that i paid WAAAAAAY too much for. i'm trying to tell myself that i didn't buy anything for myself for christmas and that i've gotten a lot of money lately through my christmas bonus at work, the signing bonus i never used, interest from a CD that just matured.... i can afford to splurge a little. haha... and then i do my projected budget... and realize that after i move into my house, i'll probably be living paycheck to paycheck for a while. oh well.
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what do you think? hot huh? and WAY TOO MUCH! (actually on an antiques market perspective... they were a good buy... but just think of this.... these night stands cost about as much as the rest of the furniture in my house...combined... well minus the other ridiculously expensive mid century pieces i have of course)
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anyways... if i wasn't wasting time at work looking for things to fill up my house... i was taking lunch and after work to work on little things for my house. yes... actually taking lunch!!! it was either spray painting the modified quartet of chairs i made, or finishing the last wall in the bedroom that needed covering of exposed wires and repainting and final mounting of the sconces (FINALLY DONE!)...or preping the crown molding that i was suppose to put up this weekend with ron... but hey... turns out i'd rather do something else with ron... haha. anyways, during the week esau did help me with the staining... although his cieling job is still in flux... ahhhhh! all in all though...i've really sort of taken it easy on the house work... mostly because the jobs i've been doing have been relatively small. this week though i hope to attack the crown molding for sure (otherwise i will be falling behind schedule), finishing those bar height chairs, prepping the credenza to be refinished... and then this weekend (if it doesn't rain like it has since the holidays)... finally decking my porch and building some fucking steps!
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you know... there is soooo much to do... but hey... new year's resolution... one step at a time. i'm sure you'll get through it.
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anyways. what about ron of late? well, to start with... the week leading up to the weekend was sort of unique in the sense that EVERY night.... from when he left last Sunday, to when he came back Friday... we've spoken on the phone for a considerable time. i dunno, i just think this week he got an itch to call me all the time... which... really.... i actually didn't mind at all. ron has for some reason always been able to just make me smile or laugh or just want to hear him talk about his day... and he has always listened to me as well. i mean sure, i guess what esau says about not knowing some maybe important things about him still exist, but i dunno... conversation doesn't always have to be a q & a session does it? whatever the case, we talked every night this week, but nothing really compares to being able to see him on the weekends.
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over this weekend, ron made a comment about how he LOVED last weekend, the weekend we really had to ourselves because then his roommate wasn't there. he said, he loved the fact that we just hung out and we went to eat, and saw a movie, and had brunch with my friends and went to IKEA... and what he said was... just normal couple stuff. it was actually really sweet to hear him say that... it was just these little regular things that he loved, be them monotonous or not, he was basically saying that just spending time with me was what was important.
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and boy did we spend time together this weekend. eventhough the roommate was back this week, i stayed with ron almost 90% of the weekend. we hung out friday night, went to a new bar, and had a few beers. i had to sleep early though since i had a morning appointment (regular decision interviews have kicked up for Harvard) so I retired earlier... but when he came in later, we had actually had a fun time just talking.
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and "just talking" was kind of the theme of this week. friday night, we laid in bed and he put away my fears in a way about the issue with his roommate. he stated in direct terms (without me actually saying anything)... that the reason he came down to houston was solely to see me... and that he was getting really tired that his roommate has so latched on to him. he told me that he doesn't consider her his friend, but that she needed coddling of sorts and just to keep the peace he had to "spend" time with her. i dunno... i don't know if it was obvious my concern, as i certainly didn't verbalize anything directly... but i was really glad when he said what he said... that "i" was what was important.
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saturday after my harvard interviewee, i stopped by the house to do a little work, but then went back to ron's. everything was going great until i had mentioned that that evening i had told esau and some of his lesbian friends that i'd go hang out with them (i told them this the wednesday before). ron got a little upset that i only then informed him and it was like... well, i already said i'm going and you can come or not but i'm going. he said that by not informing him of this earlier, it hurt his feelings and made him wonder where he fell in my priorities of things. he said that it was the fact that he comes into houston to see me, only two days out of the week... and i have the rest of the week to see my friends... he just felt hurt that i didn't consider him. and you know what... after thinking about it... i realized he was right. i really should have called him the very night i talked to esau and the others... because we certainly talked every night this week. if nothing else but to let him know how much time "we" had together... because that's what's important to him.
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in short, this conversation made me realize that i had to start taking more seriously this concept of being a "couple" and being considerate to that reality. not in the sense that i have to spend ALL my time with ron... but if i am to consider him a very special person in my life... that i only get to see during the weekends... i need to be considerate about the time he thinks we can share together... just a little bit of communication is all he's asking. and i have to say... it dawned on me that he really was right... and if i keep talking about a boyfriend and all that... this is just one of the things i have to think about. not to say that i have to ask ron's "permission" to do stuff... but i have to be considerate of "our" time and to communicate to him how we'd might spend "our" time.
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i eventually called esau and the friends and simply said i put myself between a rock and a hard place, but that ultimately, i do have a man now... and he deserved better treatment than i gave him...and i couldn't hang out as i said i would before. i hate not doing something i said i would do... but then again... i couldn't leave ron like that. it was my own screw up but eventually things worked out... and i just hung out with ron that night.
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later on he told me... thanks for ditching your friends for me. i thought this was funny because he had explicitly told me that he didn't want to feel he was forcing me to do it. haha... later that evening, when we were talking in bed, he said it was sort of a test he guesses... he wanted me to make a certain choice, and "he" thought one was correct, and he enjoyed the fact that i also chose that same choice.
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saturday night was most interesting however. i had gotten nicely (not totally) hammered at a bar playing darts (just like the first few dates with ron...i loved it! he played a song for me that had the phrase... you are as smooth as tennessee whiskey... and also Dallas by Alan Jackson... that said... if only Dallas was in Tennessee... he was on a real Tennessee streak this weekend... that and Taiwanese... i kept calling my cousin trying to see if she knew what he was trying to say in taiwanese... haha) ANYWAYS.... i hit the hay but my man is a night owl... and he came in later. sometimes, i think i retire early so i can get some rest before we start fooling around.
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but this evening... he said something very different. he said he just wanted to hold me... that he loved just lying with me holding me, sleeping with me. he said not to misunderstand him... he loved the sex, but it was all facets of a relationship he loved. over the course of the next two hours...we just made out and kissed and talked and talked... no heavy action... it was amazingly sweet i thought. we talked about random things... about having kids... haha.... about if i could ever think of moving somewhere else. actually "talking" was i think exactly again what i needed with ron. i got a few things off my chest that i had been thinking of... i expressed to him that i was working on my communication skills... that sometimes i bottle up things inside that slowly just keep my worried and eventually work myself into a frenzy (like two weeks before!). i told him that him being in tyler was far enough already and that i wanted him closer and the idea that he may go even further away... i couldn't... wouldn't deal with. i told him that my previous relationships have been relatively short mostly due to the fact of the geographical flux in my life... all my more significant "dating" ended in somebody moving and maybe because of that fore-knowledge that there was a discernable, unchangeable "end" to any relationship... i had been basically "expire-dating". but i told him that for the first time in my life, i was attempting to "put down roots"... starting my career, buying a house, really thinking of myself as being of one place... for a while. and because of that, i wanted to also think of sharing that time with someone else... for a while... but that all this... was new to me. and if i freaked out or acted weird, just keep that in mind... that this was all new territory. ron said... he could work with me on it. haha.
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above all else though... ron said... with what i could only gather as real genuineness.... that he liked me very much... and that he could see a future with me. when someone says whole-heartedly that they can see a future with you... and if you yourself can also as well (or at least are willing to be open-minded about it).... how can that NOT make you happy? right then and there, i wanted so badly to say those silly "three words" to my ron... but i knew that despite the fervor and sweetness of our conversation... the three words still had to wait for a little bit. but already for a few weeks... i have been "thinking" those three words.
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long story made short, ron told me this weekend, without doubt... he wanted to be with me. haha... amazing. i am one of the luckiest men on the planet now... to be falling in love with a man that is doing just that with me.
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honestly "our" weekend was fairly uneventful. most of it really was spent as a threesome with the roommate that won't go away (i definitely think she is jealous of me... hello??! i'm his boyfriend...go be someone else's fag hag). but despite being "uneventful"... this weekend i think was definitely an "event horizon" for my relationship with ron. this weekend, we both articulated the fact that we were the most special people in each others lives at the moment... that our lives involved basically working, sleeping, and thinking of each other... that we looked forward to the weekends with great eagerness and therefore might get hurt if the value of that "we" time is not considered... that we both wanted a future together.
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this was a great weekend, the weekend, i really realized that its no longer just me... that i am part of something more with a guy i want to be with, and whom is crazy about me.... the weekend i realized... i'm in love.
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posted by faux chink @ 10:38 PM
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