Chemistry
so today's topic is about dating... again. sorry, i've noticed in my life that my dating "seasons", when they actually happen, happen all at once. maybe its just because i'm very pro-active about it, signing onto silly dating sites and looking under every rock for a potential date. alas, its not finding a date this time around that has proven to be particularly difficult, its finding a man that i would continue dating.
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i've already mentioned to you this guy named robert that i was dating. last i left off, i believe i had emailed him something to the effect of "let's just be friends". he actually replied and said, somewhat convincingly, that he felt the same way and that he was open to being friends; i haven't heard from him since... but its not like i was trying too hard either. with robert, in similar fashion to last year's derrick, a lot of the things were there but there was just no sexual chemistry... ie... i wasn't really attracted to him.
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this week i went on two dates, one that was a date #2, and another that i sort of just randomly landed upon, chatting to this one guy online one night. so anyways, i went out with an adam (it just occured to me that my first boyfriend's name was adam... haha) and we went out to eat. but get this, well... i think the date was cursed from the get go basically because i realized that there are some pretty basic compatibility factors that are hard to ignore... one being... and don't hate me for it... socio-economic class. or in a more nicer way of saying it... lifestyle. our first date was to a museum, which was very very cool i thought, but was orginally prompted by adam basically saying he "had no money" (museum was free the night we went)... ha. well... that situation apparently wasn't any better for date #2... and well... when i suggested going to dinner to get to know each other more.... i basically ended up saying... well, tell you what... my treat. hmmm... not that i have something against paying but it was just the idea that if this was gonna go anywhere.... well... money would be an issue.
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the thing about adam is that i do feel this sense of physical attraction to him. despite his somewhat rotund physique... he has a very cute face and is very affable, and everything else being normal... it would be a do-able situation for me. unfortunately... date #2 also made me realize that it wasn't only money which made a world of difference between us... but it was something somewhat related... and that i would term something like... "opportunity"... or "exposure". and i guess i got a hint of this during our museum date, but basically i think adam is just too "early" in his life for me... in a professional / occupational sense and also financial sense. hmm... he's sort of exactly like ron in the sense that i don't think either of them really knew what they wanted to do, but at least with adam... his youth could be somewhat of an excuse. anyways... i realized that because of his somewhat humble backgrounds, he hadn't been able to really expose himself to different things and gone to many places. i mean... again, he's 23... his whole life is before him. maybe in another 5-10 years he would date-able... for who i am now though. hopefully in 5-10 years, i would have liked to have made my own professional developments, if only to move up the food chain in this gay dating game haha.
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so my date with adam was sort of a dud. i wonder how he felt about it though... i think he was also feeling a little out of his own league so i wouldn't be surprised if we both let this go as well. good physical chemistry and superfical personality chemistry... but not much going on just a little deeper... but there is potential... in the far future. he... he... has time.
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i had a date friday night with a certain "fabio"... haha...i kid you not. i was thinking to myself... how can i date a guy name "fabio"??? thank god though he pronounced it more like favio... like fava beans. that at least sounds acceptably exotic whereas fabio just feel like i would be the silly desperate heroine on one of those sultry harlequin novels (and of course fucking hot as one!) so i met fabio while chatting online and we got to talking a little more. to be honest i did think him quite physically handsome and to be honest, i was chatting him up really more for a hook-up... but we eventually got to "real" talking and he was saying some pretty neat things and so i just asked him out to see if he wanted to have dinner... and whatever might happen later, happens later.
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i think the date started well... he was cute, and he didn't run the other way when he first saw me. immediately it felt like we had a good rapport and soon i realized we were actually talking ALOT and nodding and agreeing and laughing. for a little bit, i began thinking that here's a guy that might actually fit for now all of the little checks on my "list"... the all elusive "chemistry". so we talked for an hour... and then two... and then three! somewhere in the second hour, the topic of ex's came up and after it didn't really go away and persisted in some form or the other the rest of time... i was begginning to get the distinct feeling that this "date" had morphed into a therapy session instead. well... that was nonetheless interesting. i mean, seen from a more friendly perspective as opposed to the one of... damn, guess i am not gonna get any tonight!... it was a good "dinner" to make another friend. one who apparently is easy to talk to obviously... but also in his defense, it wasn't like he was constantly pushing it either... it was just "friendly" conversation... which for a hot date is the kiss of death. after 3 and half hours, i think we both decided we had enough therapy. i'll admit that when we were saying goodbyes i was still holding out that he might still wanna "come home with" (he was cute!) but the good old "hug goodbye" that i give to guys i don't intend to date... was thrown on me this time around. oh well.
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i mean, i think its for the best. we've chatted a bit since then and it does seem he is truly interested in being friends...so who knows... maybe he is one of those "traditional" types that doesn't hop into bed first date and all... HA! but even if, i do think, after really thinking about it... that we also don't have that 4th dimension of chemistry... something that transcends the head, heart... hardon... trinity. god... how the hell did i get so picky all of the sudden?
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so even though i had somewhat lack luster dates this week, it didn't stop me from dancing it up at south beach with andy (one half of the british couple) and get this... mei! yes... mei's first time at a homo bar! heehee.... overall... i think everyone had a blast. esau was also there, in a separate party because me and esau are still not talking and even though andy's is attempting to play concilliator to a degree... i still feel i need distance. anyways, there were a lot of beautiful men at south beach and jrs and all that.... one bartender that i just could not stop staring at... had a shaved head, black glasses, lanky tall body but nice chest. YUM!
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why can't i date him?
posted by faux chink @ 9:15 PM
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