Another Place, Another Time
this is actually suppose to be an old post in the sense that i wanted to write about it when it happened, but of course, like many things in my life, never got to it. so now, it's about a month or so old. anyways, i just wanted to mention meeting an interesting man. i may have mentioned this before, but one or twice a year, i usually meet a man that intrigues me particularly in some way beyond the usual caliber of men i meet, if indeed i am meeting any man at all. when this does happen, i am usually astounded by how well the man i meet pulls off the overly exacting "checklist" i have when it comes to a man's desireability ... a checklist that may be crippling any possibility of meeting a "real" man i have come to realize. the last man i ran into that sort of "blew me away" was a pretty random situation, having spent only a few hours with him, but still feeling like he was "perfect". yes, i know ... putting a man on a pedestal.
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that is why i think the most recent such man i have met stands out in some regards. he's not mind blowingly handsome, nor does he comes off as scintillatingly cosmopolitan or ivy league well-read. but what he does exude is simply a kindness and "fun-ness" that i think i haven't seen in a while in guys. in again the short time that we spent together, i like to say that there was a bubbling chemistry between us ... yes, an instant attraction, a good feeling, but one a little more subtle than the falling head over heels type that i often fall prey to. no, this chemistry was slower, and in some ways, kind of sexy because of that. we met, we went out ... on an actual date of sorts... that is dinner and great conversation, we walked around town, he showed me interesting spots in the city, he really tried to entertain me and show me something new. we kept talking , conversation relatively moving easily from one to the other. i spoke about things i cared about, he spoke about things he cared about. and actually, i might dare say that even being a first date, we both made statements that actually, really made the other person stop for a moment ... and think. like really think and deal with emotions and intellectualism at the same time. definitely not usual first date territory.
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in short, i had a great time going out with this guy, and when i asked if he wanted to "come home" with me, i have to be honest i didn't know how to take his reply that he thought he should probably go back home and get to bed ... but ... BUT ... that he wanted to see me for lunch the next day. what? haha. i guess if you're reading this you have to realize first that i met this man while traveling outside of houston, specifically about four hours drive, where i went to take a short weekend study course at a university, staying only one night in a local motel. this "date" in all honesty (to me at first) really was more of a pretense for a hookup (actually, i had a feeling it would be a "date" too, and i was cool with that ... i was just suprised when the date didn't get "consumated") ... so when he refused my offer to spend the night but suggested seeing each other again ... so soon ... it threw me off ... wondering ... wait, you realize i don't live here right? and that i'm only staying this evening?
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i don't think it was a bit after, finally back in houston, that i realized, that actually i may have saw the situation in too crass of a light. because in my mind, it started off already as a hookup, or at most a hookup "date" ... i guess my confusion arose when neither of those options presented themselves. i short changed the possibilities basically. and in a way, it gets me thinking ... am i a little jaded now of dating, after a few pretty bad ones, or at the best dismal or unpromising ones? maybe. jaded to the point that even when a date is good ... and because it is good ... in a real sense ... a feeling of restraint "should" be exercised ... that kind of date , becomes so alien?
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i go around saying, oh my god, why are my dates so bad? and why do guys just want one thing and even if they do, apparently don't try very hard to at least give some credible semblance of a real "date"? i ask often ... what has happened to real "dating"? i think in some ways this sitaution illuminates the fact that "real dating" is indeed in the eye of the beholder. if you are open to it, you easily recognize it, and you see the beauty that it is naturally.
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sigh, but if i let myself see the beautiful fact that here i went out with a man that makes me smiles and makes me laugh and that i'm attracted to ... and here's the kicker ... everything vice versa too! on one hand, it makes me joyous that yeah... there are good guys out there who are funny, and cute, honest, smart, and straight - forward. yeah on that hand, everything is happy go lucky and i would tell myself, finally ... second , third date material! but of course, my life has a beautiful in itself knack of being ironic. of course ... a man i would love to date... lives four hours away from me, and i would never have met him, but of only the whim to take a weekend study course in some random city not very close to houston.
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but i did meet him, and we spent a very fun, and inspiring evening together. and i guess that's ok for now. maybe there will be more ... in another place and another time.
posted by faux chink @ 10:30 PM
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