The Problem with Big Sausages
so i have a funny fairy tale to tell and i think sammy will appreciate it if no one else. ;)
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once upon a time there was a young butcher who made the most delicious sausages in all the lands. people from all over, came far and wide, to taste his most amazing sausages. now although he would never really admit to it, because he was a man who believed in the phrase "quality over quantity", in matter of fact, part of the reason his sausages were so popular was simply due to the fact that they were, well... quite large. now, if you'll allow me to further explain. eventhough his sausages were so deliciously large, big sausages weren't really that uncommon. it had been an age old trick of many competing butchers to create bigger sausages. yet the difference with this young butcher was that he did not make his sausages longer, like all the other butchers...he made them thicker, larger in circumference, so that you could hardly fit all its wonderful goodness into your mouth, eventhough you loved to try. why was thicker better than longer? well, as all the silly other butchers compared with each other about how long their suasages were... well, mine is 8", well, mine is 10", haha, i have you all beat, mine is a whopping 12"... they forgot to realize that their customers found long sausages fairly... inconvenient. as they brought them home, some of the butchers had made their sausages so long that they would literally flop around outside the customer's grocery bags, trailing on the ground and getting all sullied. very inconveneient for the customers. but this fad, for having the biggest sausages relative to length was all the craze, and the poor customers could do nothing but acquiese. until of course, our thick suasage making hero came onto the scene.
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no one had quite seen anything like it. a sausage so thick and juicy and almost bursting at its seems with plentiful goodness. and so portable too at the same time. you see, that was the trick. to get as much goodness in as little real estate. while all the other butcher were so preoccupied with length of their sausages, although they be perfectly fine really, they weren't listening to their customers. more and more customers came to this young butcher and his thick sausages were the toast of the town. unfortuantely, our young butcher soon began to realize that he wasn't without problems himself. you see, since this young butcher made such wonderfully thick sausages, filled with his secret blend of 11 spices (suspiciously similar though to his uncle, the Colonel), the usual packaging available for his customers to take home his thick sausages simply couldn't hold them. it was often a comic scene to behold, as our young butcher often fruitlessly attempted to stuff his thick sausages into the narrow packaging tubes that the companies provided. barely fitting into the tubes and stretching them out to almost bubble thinness, the tubes often broke as they jostled around in customer's grocery bags. so unfortuanetly, instead of thick goodness going into his customers, they often were wasted even before his customers came...upon their homes. what to do!?!
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thank god though that this young butcher was not the only person who was willing to listen and think about customer requests. the young butcher's close friend, who also made the packaging tubes the young butcher tried to squeeze his thick sausages into, listened to the woes of the young butcher and a wonderful idea came to him. in a few days, he introduced a new line of packaging tubes which he aptly named "magnum" sized packaging tubes. in short, these tubes were simply sized larger, but this is really the genius of his idea from a marketing standpoint. in simply calling his new product, "magnum" size, it still allowed a degree of vagueness as to largeness in terms of length or girth. you see, this young packaging tube maker, i believe he was from troy, realized that he could at the same time listen to his customers who actually seriously needed larger packaging and also take advantage of all those silly butchers who "thought" they had a better product because they were "larger".
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now as it turns out strangely enough, these magnum packaging tubes weren't really much longer (since the original product was made to already encompass the silly fad of making longer sausages), but they were distinctly wider, as in circumference... to accomodate those thick sausage makers, like our young hero, the thick sausage butcher. therefore, the long sausage makers bought the magnums, inflating their already hot air balloon size egos, but also the fellers like our young butcher, who simply wanted to create more goodness for his customers. finally, he could slip his thick sausages into packaging tubes that fit like a glove, so that his delighted customers could slip his thick sausages into them, impish smiles of complete satisfaction spreading across their faces as they did. happiness filled the land, as customer after customer found the wonderful pleasures of thick goodness.
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it was amazing how the most wonderful things boil down to simple things like listening to your customers, having thick sausages, and a few more centimeters of latex added. our young butcher became renown throughout land for his wonderfully thick sausages, appearing in locales from lowly local fare to the high reaches of haute cuisine. any customer who appreciated the joy of thick sausage, was a customer to our beloved butcher. and let us not forget his trojan friend, who also listened to his customers. in return, the younger butcher offered his friend a lifetime supply of thick sausages always packed in his "magnum" sized packaging tubes. obviously, our trojan friend was one happy feller. and everyone lived happily ever after.
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the end. lunch anyone? thinking of some kielbasa.
posted by faux chink @ 6:53 AM
1 Comments:
Now all the butcher needs is a strapping young baker whose delicious buns fit perfectly around the butcher's thick sausage!
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