3.26.2006

Life is What Happens in Between

ahhhh. so i must first start off with distinct apologies for having disappeared from the blogger world. the trend somewhat expressed in my last blog entry of being ridiculously busy has continued with a vengence. it's been about two weeks since my last entry and my last entry i believed delt with, amongst many thing, the career fair at school. so i guess that would be as good of a place as any to sort of begin this conversation. oh, but before i begin, i should at least mention why i chose to return to blogging now? as i type, i am trying to ignore all the chinese text on the screen and the keyboard, and hoping i remember the graphic positions of all the partiuclar button functions. that's right! i am in taiwan on spring break, and luckily enough one of our family hosts in not in the stone ages. more on that later, but for now, let's begin.
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so i have had a lot of developments in the job search since the fair and it has been very interesting. there is good and bad, well, not bad... just sort of troubling to me. the bad first? well, you know that great position i was going after in houston and they seemed to love me and i actually was looking forward to working for them there...well, a week or so ago, i sent them an email concerning my interests to continue our conversations on a more specific tone, that is... offering me an actual monetary compensation. well, the thing is, they haven't gotten back to me, and i am begginning to worry. of course, this worrying isn't really based on anything i know, but i project that it would suck if i lost the job because i didn't jump on the bandwagon fast enough. but still, youd think, if they were that interested in me before, they would have at least wrote me an email if they were considering someone else...a sort of invitation for a last duel of sorts? i dunno, anyways, i will see how that plays out. on the good side, some of the firms that is poke with during the career fair have really panned out, and also panned out in a surprising way. well, there was one firm in particular during the career fair that personally struck me as being a fairly cool firm, and this sentiment was being reverberated also through the general GSD student body. now, i come in one morning and get a call from the guy i spoke with inviting me to come interview with them. now with that, i was already quite satisfied and looking forward to it, however, he further continued, almost non-chalantly to suggest that they would also go ahead and make travel arrangements as well... i.e., fly me to go interview. crazy huh??? my goodness, this is definitely not treatment i expected especially having graduated in undergrad during a mini-depression! but i sure am enjoying the attention i have to say! but this is not the end of it my friend! a few days later i got an email from another firm i met witha sking for a electronic version of my portofolio which i decided to just pdf the files for the portfolio i printed out. so i sent them and the very same day i sent them, i got an email back saying that they would like me to interview and that they would like to fly me to Dallas! fucking eh huh? nice! bada bing bada bang. AND! just today i got an email from one of the firms i interview with in houston, who low and behold... suggesting to "continue" our conversations and also would like me to fly me to houston. haha! i'm going on an ego trip now. now mind you, give me some lee-way here because stuff like this...well, i don't "think" it really happens much in architecture you know... so let me have my day a little.
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all i know is that thank god i have am in a foreign country for sprinmg break, that puts a complete stop to all the crazy activities that were building up back home. but my, when i go back, its gonna be like travel this travel that, interview this interview that, as well, as it should be i guess. this is last moment in my life for such frivolities....sigh... real life.
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ok, what else? studio has been a shitload of laughs as well this past two week! now in interests to my non architecture readers i'll just sort of highlight the main points.well, basically the past two weeks have been a stop and go procession towards the mid term review which happened on tuesday of the last week of school. i believe the last time iw rote about studio i had mentioned that i had successfully turned the tide from a crappy crappy studio pin up one week. well, the past two weeks have been mostly devoted to trying to actually work out that idea that i had generally suggested. and i don't think i reallyw orked out that much more, but it was better represented which in architecture is key. and ways, what is kind of cool to note though, is that i had to do a sort of crash course in 3d modeling program called rhino. which honestly in a small way was kind of fun, but i think my experience with it suggest that i am still sort of old school in my aesthetics. but for this project it was to use it none the less. basically the whole weekend before the review was pretty much devoted to studio and sunday morning through tuesday morning was a straight through shot of work, except for a 3 hour respite on monday morning, because i couldn't sleep sunday night so i said fuck this, and went BACK to studio! but i finished in at a healthy time of 9 AM on tuesday and was able to go home, sleep, shower, and feel somewhat refreshed, as much as i could for the review...which itself, went out fairly well. it was one of those reviews which i have learned to relish which basically the general consensus is that your project ultimately works, and is interesting toa degree, and has potential for further development. no, siloquys of how wonderful it is, but hey, people understood it and got into it. actually machado, was a darling and said the project was "ethereal" which by all means, i think is hot! so yes, studio at least at this point in the semester is going fairly well. i wonder if i can keep this up for the next half with all the shit i need to do, geez, i'm gonna almost miss half of it actually! oh well, in the end, who cares.... although i've always had a secret yearning to get at least one high pass in studio. nah, i know i don't have the patience, determination, luck, or talent, or whatever it takes, to get one. oh well.
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my other classes? yeah, or in other words the other responsibilities i find it annoying to have to deal with in light of the demands of studio and finding a job. thank god, i decided against doing that crazy course load this semester, i totally would have been cuckoo by now. anyways, one of my classes actually fucking ended, and after spending a day or two writing a stupid report and another day doing that silly presentation i can now have the pleasure of having only one class on fridays...yeah! and speaking of that class, its my housing policy class which i've decided is a completet bore, not that it isn't chock full of interesting things, but still, it is a complete bore... and i just want to do the minimal requirements to get a pass and to...pass! which means, that you hold off on actually writing the 8-10 page paper till the night before the morning of your flight to asian...haha! well, serves me right, i started really around 9 PM, and finshed in a quick flourish around 5:30 AM. at least i had some company half way through but i don't know if that was a good thing or bad. but at least its done! and finally, with real estate finance. its funny how you can bitch about something like group dynamics in a class and then for the mid term presentation it actually seem to come off beautifully. i think we were just lucky and that each of us knew exactly what we were talking about. i eprsonally even got complemented for my little schpill, which was fucking cool. but in all, the group pulled off an the "investment memo" presentation very well... good vibe, and good dynamic.
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so all that shit is done with and when i get back to cambirdge i can begin with a new slate. it's really going to a roller coaster ride, dear reader, so please don't take offense if the next posting is somewhere in like may...or june. haha!
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now what about the life i mentioned that happened in between. well, since school takes up most of my life, please don't be mean to me when i say that there wasn't THAT much life. but no, i take that back, there has been some very memorable things that have happened lately. one thing that comes up to mind, is my new passion of squash...or more precisely going to squash court and hitting the ball around pretending like we are playing a real game of squash. at least my hand eye coordination is getting better! heehee, but no, it has been lots of fun during my own personal practice sessions where i replace my cardio elliptical workout with squash practice, and it has been lots of fun with studio friends as well. of late, i've gotten the pleasure of getting to know more a few of my studio "pod-mates", the ones that are there that is. Suhyoung, a spritey korean girlthe size of smurfett who can't stop mentioning her boyfriend or how long its been since she's had sex! haha...funny girl. and then there's nancy the lesbian who isn't so lesbian or at least what i'd thought were lesbians... hey my first lesbian friend! didn't i say one of my new year's resolutions was to get a lesbian friend. haha, how funny is life. i resolve to come out to my parents...check. i resolve to find a lesbian friend...check! i've also gotten the chance to exercise my heterosexual side by befriending bobby, another fun chap who speaks in an english accent he can't help but who has been great help in teaching me some basic of real lifting weights in the gym, also he's not a bad squash buddy as well. this semester i guess its been fun, because there is somewhat of a sense that our studio lives extend beyond the studio and studio time. last year i guess i felt i didn't connect with anyone really in particular beyond what studio itself was... but this semester, the people have been a lot more overtly socialble... which is a great thing, if just for the last semester of my time here at GSD.
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i've had a lot of opportunity lately too to hang out with ira, my black queen friend...haha! you know, i am now wondering if she has any idea i am gay, not that it matters much but the other day i mentioned i was a gay studies minor in college and she made the comment that oh...so that's why you know so much about "these type" of things... haha! these "type"...honey, i know a lot of these type of thing because i suck cock...a nd do it well mind you. wink! she's a funny girl but i wonder if she realizes that her stories of her apparently psychotically traumatic life are starting to really do the one two on me. jesus alex, you are so fucking insensitive... but hey, come on, i'm your friend, but do not abuse the emotional bellhop position. anyways, we went to see one movie, v for vendetta, actually with chris...remember him, robert's friend. it was very good. anyways, i'm also glad i've gotten a fag hag for the school as well... even despite she doesn't really know she is one or not. one night she made the comment that she's spending so much time with me that her finace is going to think she's having an affair... i wa sthinking...uh huh honey, not if he knew i was a flaming homo. haha! anyways, there has been a great opportunity i have to say of actually having a "social life" this semester.
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which i guess has made the other parts of my life much more bearable, that is, the part of having a pathetic dating/sex life. actually i don't even know why i am complaining, as if this is something totally out of the blue, but i dunno. ever since valentines i have been sort of feeling like i'd like to be in a psuedo relationship of sorts. again, its even beyond sex, i'd like to flirt and being romantic, and date, and feel tortured that i have to terminate the relationship because i'm getting out of town. haha...i want emotional drama in my life. what happened to the love of my life though you ask? yada yada yada, i think that blog entry was written under the influence of something because well, its not so rosy pink anymore. why so, oh i dunno... maybe because he's a fucking dork who doesn't know what he wants. haha. i shouldn't be so mean...and melo-dramatic too. heehee, sometimes i think i am a gemini because i have this abilty to sort of step outside my situation and to look at my self and say the painfully obvious. but anyways, so i actually did go out with my "love" two weeks ago and we had a great time. we ended up predictably hooking up of course, as any gay date is suppose to, and can i just say... it was fun. he's a saggitarius so there was some obvious astrological chemistry going on but i guess i should of realizes that the boy doesn't really know what he wants or at least dosen't want me when it took only ten minutes from after cumming to heading out the door, with one of those kisses that felt like he "should" do it. but even beyond that, i guess i sort of dug a hole for myself because i thought i'd be non-chalant and play it cool and wait for him to call back... which he did eventually, only took 2 days, not bad. but still every conversation since then has been sort of blase. i dunno, it's just that well...i kind of feel like, now after hooking up, i want some more distinct thing to happen. i am being such a chick aren't i, thinking that just having sex should mean that something more has happened, or should happen. sigh sigh sigh. maybe that's why i slept with him in the first place, to confirm that i still wanted to be in love i guess, but i guess i figured out that it wasn't with him. i dunno, i think i am blabbering now. but the state of the matter i guess now, is that i'm just sort of jaded by him in particular, and which he'd pick up the ball a little and start fucking showing some interest in me and being a little more obvious about liking me... if he even does. there's a funny thing between gay men of this thing of sex between "friends". i mean, no doubt, i enjoy this guy's company on a friend level and if nothing else i want to be "friends" with him. but personally i have a very difficult time "sleeping with friends", i've done it before, but it still something hard for me to even rationalize using the phrase... "we're just helping each other out". i have toa dmit i am so much chic-ified about issues like that... sex, with someone i personally like in a perosnality way, usually becomes very quickly an in route into something i'd like to be more serious. otherwise, if that doesn't happen, i have to continue the friendship and end the sex. and of course, this is completely different than the fuck buddy situation which you are very comfortable at the very begginning that the extend of the majority of your contact with each other revolve saround fucking. eventhough you might enjoy each other company for movies, dinner, or what not, you know for a fact that eventually you're going to be laying top of each other. i guess what i am saying, is that i have a very hard time with "flexible" relationships. i like things to be defined, to fall in a nice little category that although the edges blur, it is understood as this and not that and only sometimes this...or that, depending on this or that. so the fact of it is, with this love of mine, he's gonna have to start ante-ing up that he likes me and start fucking showing it, or its gonna just be friendsville from now on. haha, do you actually hear what i am saying? haha! like it matters, please alex, you think no one else realizes that you're gonna be jetting away in two months? like you are safe bet for emotional investment. ultimately the question is... would you date yourself in this situation if you were the other person.... haha... fucking yeah i would.
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no, i can understand completely though, he being a sag, i'll never be able to hold him down, and every "relationship" he's in is going to be wishy washy. the hard to catch tactic was much more successful, which i should have realized, having actually "gone out" only after almost a whole fucking half year of dialouge. but then now thatwe've done it... what now? what does someone like a sag go for, after having done it? hmmmm... time to call my astrological consultant. heehee.
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but who cares, i've found another boy... a delicious libra... to repeat the same drama yet again. haha, but it's fun. and you know what, i'll venture to say that this is exactly what i need right now in my life... the simulacra of love...or sort of stretching for something i hope to find once i am more setteled. i think in the back of my head i know because my life is up in the air these next few months, nothing is for sure, especially starting of a relationship... or more specifically the continuation of one. and i think that's why everything is on fast forward for me, and emotionally amplified... because somehow it's like the elctronic "test, 1,2,3" that sound technicians do. and ultimately its kind of fun, starting a relationship. being an aries, i do love the begginning of things, and i guess i am just trying to crame as many meaningless begginnings of relationships in as i can. haha...so mean of me. of course, my virgo ascendant wants carry through... which is the much harder aspect of it all.
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ok, i've realized that i am really moving into boredome land. haha, but i trust you my dear reader got bored long ago and actually never got this far. wink!
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ok, so i am in taiwan now and will be for the next week. ahhh, finally some peace and quiet. despite the weird fact that they don't have real showers here, that is..no basin, just a shower head... so it's kind of like a gym shower except there is a toilet and a sink next to you, despite that, i do find this country amusing and even i dunno... charming. yesterday i spent an hour just getting "lost" in the small village i was born in... "Guo Go" "township" in the "Chia-yi" city, i guess is have you would term it. i got to see my grandmother again, and despite the fact we can'tr communicate, she speaking the local dialect only that i don't udnerstand, it was nice to see her, and who knows, it might be the last time i do. there was some good resolution in that. it's like when i saw my god father before he died, at least one last time. we never really know these things so when it comes up that it really could be the last time, its sort of nice to be able to do those mental acrobatics to "prepare". now today, we are in kaoshiung, where my cousin who lives with us in the states is...a nd thank god has internet... and air conditioning! haha. oh real quick... the long ass flight. it was long ass... 26 hours and no one really interesting to talk to. a strange fog of bad sleep, movies you've seen on other flights, mediocre food, and people's elbows and feet... a grand old time. sigh, maybe i can sit by a hot guy and psuedo flirt with him on the trip back... one can only hope. well, at least i have a good book that my friend recommended that i could read if nothing else.
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so there you go... my life as it has been for the past two weeks. more to write late on of course, especially about my job situation....oooh, i wonder how its all gonna boil down. and of course, maybe my libra love will capture my heart when i get back, the heart so disingenously taken by so melodramatic!) by a surreptitious sag. and yes, squash, my feel good narcotic for the moment, i can't wait to play again.
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