Twists of Fate
so i have a very interesting story to recount that occured on my birthday. a story about that in life, you often don't get what you expect, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. the significance of happening on my birthday also has some strange sign-like significance to me as well i have to admit. anyways, i have to say that in sort, this story is a tale of two boys. one i had a encountered through online processes a few weeks ago and have been meaning to get together with since then. the guy seemed very cool and in the chat paremeter we had a lot of connection and yes, he was disastrously cute as well. anyways, ever since we virtually met i have been wanting to meet in actuality. for various reasons which i have really to fully understand, a lot of the proposed meeting we had never carried through and some of them he eventually emailed his inability to meet maybe only a few hours before or actually a few hours after we were suppose to meet. yet in the one or two days space of time before, it would be almost impossible to get a reply from him. so, i was thinking that since part of the ability to meet was also my own schedule, being out of the country for over a week or what not, that i would give him another chance to make it up, and to make a fun birthday for myself. so my birthday was thursday, and the last time we conversed was the sunday before. wednesday i hadn't heard from him yet about our potential rendevouz and so i emailed him asking kindly if that he couldn't make it to just let me know. anyways, as you might have surmised, the hours clicked away on my birthday and soon the time we were suppose to meet came past and still no sign, no email, no call. i waited out for a few more hours unfortunately, unable to accept the fact that this guy was just if not an asshole, than a lameass. eventually i came to the conclusion that he wasn;t going to show up YET again, and i gave up. i only have a certain amount of patience, and although great in situations like this, it certainly is not infinite. the third time standing me up pretty much does it and it was a double whammy being on "my" day. funny enough, the next day he emailed me a short excuse saying he really wanted to see me but had misplaced my phone number.... lame lame lame. did not even deserve a reply. hopefully this guy will be out of my life and in the future i might be able to push that patience number down to two.
.
yet, this time around, life did not apparently leave me out in the cold. in a funny twist of fate, i happened to land another "date" that just sort of happened. and the strangest paremeters let me tell. well, the day before my birthday i was walking back from the gym to studio, after having gotten my ritual of felipe's steak quesadilla and then something from starbuck's, i was walking along the street while the light april rain was drizzling. i noticed a guy turn his head and i immediately had a notion that i knew him from somewhere and it dawned on me pretty quickly that it was a guy that i had dated at the begginning of the school year and that i thought after two dates had decided that i wasn't really all that and decided to never contact or reply to me emails again. anyways, at that time, i remember having a good enough time with this fellow to think that i wanted to continue spending more time with him. there was something subtly interesting in him in the sense that he was a great conversationalist, quite cute, and there i think was attraction on some level. yet even back then, i felt a sort of distance from him, that at first i took as shyness, but then i thought was disinterest, but the second date puzzled me because things weren't clear. no matter the fact, i had intended to proceed and find out with more dates, and i was excited that i had met someone who did not enthrall me immediately (which always leads to something intense but unfruitful) and who did not bore me unbearably... there was say pilot flames waiting for ignition?
.
alas the typical dating experience happened and i never heard from him again. ahhh, such is such is what i thought and moved on. however, after i saw him on that drizzly day, and after recogizing him and having that flashback, their was immediate uncomfortability because of course i didn't want him to recognize me and ensue what i knew would be a seriously mutual uncomfortability. call me a coward but i just ducked right by a fast as i could, almost covering myself with the handy umbrella i had with me and trying to get out of the situation as fast as possible... sigh just one of the funny adventures of life i took it. yet when i got back to studio and got around to checking my email i noticed a message from him on my friendster page and i was very very curious what the hell was going on. so in short, he had emailed me that he had seen me on the street, didn't know if i saw him, but that it occurence made him think about what he did and that he felt ad has consistently felt regret about it. emailed him back with a sort of generic letter explaining that i did see him and obviously since i was nder the impression he didn't like me, i didn't feel the need to stop and chat. in further correspondence he told me that he had indeed sent at least an email saying he wasn't interested, as opposed to the "silent treatment" i thought i had got. and he said he even had the email in archive if i wanted proof, although interested, i didn't feel pyscho enough to demand it. anyways, he wanted to know if it was appropriate to ask about having coffee or something... but he was cognizant that his actions might come across as being pyscho and that he would understand if i didn't want to have anything to do with him. i dunno, it felt sincere so i eventually told him that it would be fun to have coffee if nothing else but to pick his brain about his "issues".
.
after i realized my originally date wasn't going to show, in kind of just a stab of luck i emailed the guy i saw the day before and had that email back and forth with (and was planning on having coffee with next week) and ask if he was free and if he wanted to go out. i didn't really get a response and it was dinner time... and with a somewhat dejected feeling, but not really because i knew i always had friends to celebrate my birthday with (which many of them were kind enough to have remembered! :-) ), i went out with ira and had a fabulous dinner and conversation with her. it was a delightful time i have to admit! halfway through dinner though i get a call and low and behold, its the guy i emailed earlier. his name is nick, i might as well say. so he says that he just got back from music class (which i later learned is accordion class.... haha!) and that he is free and would love to hang out and get some drinks. so i thought hey why not!
.
so i met nick after dinner and we went to this new schnazzy bar called "OM" that just opened relatively recently and it was a really fun experience. i had no intent of getting drunk since i wanted to pick at his brain but i need a few drinks to get loose. in all honestly it was a delightful time. it was sort of like an old acquaintance. i mean technically it was our "third" date and one thing that did amaze me was his ostrich like memory for the details that i had talked about months and months ago. to me, it was all a little bit of a blur, but the boy seemed to have a photographic, or more audiographic recording of what we talked about. it was very neat, and i got to learn more thing about him and yes, it was very fun. eventually i got enough alcohol in me to simply ask him why he did what he did. he had already explained to me that he indeed did send an email saying he "wasn' feeling it"... and that he always does because he hates the silent treatment so at least that, if true (and which i didn't feel the need to really mull over) is commendable. but he also said, that he had a bad habit the past year where he will go out a few times with guys and then what he calls it "panic" and simply cut it off, and he doesn't know why, but he recognizes it and wants to change the habit. and he continued to say that out of all the guys he dated, he's always felt regret about ending ur potential relationship because he finds me attractive...plus!, find me intelligent... double plus, and finds me just in general a very nice alid back, normal kind of guy who can have fun.... very much plus. i dunno, chalk up to maybe having a silver tongue and just wanting me back, but there was a sense of sincerity in his tone, or at least i took as sincereity. he even went as far i simply apologizing, not in a short, i'm sorry way, but explaining that he had meant no harm and apologized if it seemed like he did. i mean, i have to give it to him, it felt real... or maybe i am a softy at heart...or maybe i was half drunk. probably a mix of all.
.
anyways, i had a good time and i figured... you know, why not give this another go. i mean, in someway the tables our irnoically turned since i am leaving soon... and well, my intentions for a more serious relationship aren't and can't be more serious. which is kind of a bummer i guess, being that this guy seemed, and always seemed, to have at least potential for it.
.
but anyways, i thought the occurence of these events was very ironic. i've always been one to value the uncanny in my life. it was like meeting danny, my ex-ex. the immediate electricity we felt for each other while just momentarily meeting through mutual friends. i mean, it was very good when i look back at it. and again, i think i was too young and immature to realize the full potnetial of that relationship... or honestly at that age... the full potential of any age. and now, with this odd shifting of events, with nick, i'm faced with some sort of strange situation now as well. i just emailed him actually because he asked me what my summer plans were (he sort of understands that my time here is limited as well).... i basically said to him that i'm just up to having as much fun as we can. i mean, i guess i didn't want to really breach the subject till maybe after a few more dates to see if there is anything there that "could" be serious... but i guess this full disclosure of eventualities is as valid as anything else. that way, everyone is clear about how far this could go only... but sigh... what if?
.
i've learned no to think of it that way though. this is suppose to be an exciting time of "flux" for me and i probably will meet lots of people in general who seem all that much more interesting... maybe because my subconscious is coming to terms that my experience of my surroundings at the moment is numbered and that i want to get as much "life" in as possible.
.
in any case, i'm glad that we had the chance meeting, if only by a funny shift of fate, and i'm glad we are potentially giving this thing another chance. it's a story i am sure to remember and think upon again in the future.
.
.
yet, this time around, life did not apparently leave me out in the cold. in a funny twist of fate, i happened to land another "date" that just sort of happened. and the strangest paremeters let me tell. well, the day before my birthday i was walking back from the gym to studio, after having gotten my ritual of felipe's steak quesadilla and then something from starbuck's, i was walking along the street while the light april rain was drizzling. i noticed a guy turn his head and i immediately had a notion that i knew him from somewhere and it dawned on me pretty quickly that it was a guy that i had dated at the begginning of the school year and that i thought after two dates had decided that i wasn't really all that and decided to never contact or reply to me emails again. anyways, at that time, i remember having a good enough time with this fellow to think that i wanted to continue spending more time with him. there was something subtly interesting in him in the sense that he was a great conversationalist, quite cute, and there i think was attraction on some level. yet even back then, i felt a sort of distance from him, that at first i took as shyness, but then i thought was disinterest, but the second date puzzled me because things weren't clear. no matter the fact, i had intended to proceed and find out with more dates, and i was excited that i had met someone who did not enthrall me immediately (which always leads to something intense but unfruitful) and who did not bore me unbearably... there was say pilot flames waiting for ignition?
.
alas the typical dating experience happened and i never heard from him again. ahhh, such is such is what i thought and moved on. however, after i saw him on that drizzly day, and after recogizing him and having that flashback, their was immediate uncomfortability because of course i didn't want him to recognize me and ensue what i knew would be a seriously mutual uncomfortability. call me a coward but i just ducked right by a fast as i could, almost covering myself with the handy umbrella i had with me and trying to get out of the situation as fast as possible... sigh just one of the funny adventures of life i took it. yet when i got back to studio and got around to checking my email i noticed a message from him on my friendster page and i was very very curious what the hell was going on. so in short, he had emailed me that he had seen me on the street, didn't know if i saw him, but that it occurence made him think about what he did and that he felt ad has consistently felt regret about it. emailed him back with a sort of generic letter explaining that i did see him and obviously since i was nder the impression he didn't like me, i didn't feel the need to stop and chat. in further correspondence he told me that he had indeed sent at least an email saying he wasn't interested, as opposed to the "silent treatment" i thought i had got. and he said he even had the email in archive if i wanted proof, although interested, i didn't feel pyscho enough to demand it. anyways, he wanted to know if it was appropriate to ask about having coffee or something... but he was cognizant that his actions might come across as being pyscho and that he would understand if i didn't want to have anything to do with him. i dunno, it felt sincere so i eventually told him that it would be fun to have coffee if nothing else but to pick his brain about his "issues".
.
after i realized my originally date wasn't going to show, in kind of just a stab of luck i emailed the guy i saw the day before and had that email back and forth with (and was planning on having coffee with next week) and ask if he was free and if he wanted to go out. i didn't really get a response and it was dinner time... and with a somewhat dejected feeling, but not really because i knew i always had friends to celebrate my birthday with (which many of them were kind enough to have remembered! :-) ), i went out with ira and had a fabulous dinner and conversation with her. it was a delightful time i have to admit! halfway through dinner though i get a call and low and behold, its the guy i emailed earlier. his name is nick, i might as well say. so he says that he just got back from music class (which i later learned is accordion class.... haha!) and that he is free and would love to hang out and get some drinks. so i thought hey why not!
.
so i met nick after dinner and we went to this new schnazzy bar called "OM" that just opened relatively recently and it was a really fun experience. i had no intent of getting drunk since i wanted to pick at his brain but i need a few drinks to get loose. in all honestly it was a delightful time. it was sort of like an old acquaintance. i mean technically it was our "third" date and one thing that did amaze me was his ostrich like memory for the details that i had talked about months and months ago. to me, it was all a little bit of a blur, but the boy seemed to have a photographic, or more audiographic recording of what we talked about. it was very neat, and i got to learn more thing about him and yes, it was very fun. eventually i got enough alcohol in me to simply ask him why he did what he did. he had already explained to me that he indeed did send an email saying he "wasn' feeling it"... and that he always does because he hates the silent treatment so at least that, if true (and which i didn't feel the need to really mull over) is commendable. but he also said, that he had a bad habit the past year where he will go out a few times with guys and then what he calls it "panic" and simply cut it off, and he doesn't know why, but he recognizes it and wants to change the habit. and he continued to say that out of all the guys he dated, he's always felt regret about ending ur potential relationship because he finds me attractive...plus!, find me intelligent... double plus, and finds me just in general a very nice alid back, normal kind of guy who can have fun.... very much plus. i dunno, chalk up to maybe having a silver tongue and just wanting me back, but there was a sense of sincerity in his tone, or at least i took as sincereity. he even went as far i simply apologizing, not in a short, i'm sorry way, but explaining that he had meant no harm and apologized if it seemed like he did. i mean, i have to give it to him, it felt real... or maybe i am a softy at heart...or maybe i was half drunk. probably a mix of all.
.
anyways, i had a good time and i figured... you know, why not give this another go. i mean, in someway the tables our irnoically turned since i am leaving soon... and well, my intentions for a more serious relationship aren't and can't be more serious. which is kind of a bummer i guess, being that this guy seemed, and always seemed, to have at least potential for it.
.
but anyways, i thought the occurence of these events was very ironic. i've always been one to value the uncanny in my life. it was like meeting danny, my ex-ex. the immediate electricity we felt for each other while just momentarily meeting through mutual friends. i mean, it was very good when i look back at it. and again, i think i was too young and immature to realize the full potnetial of that relationship... or honestly at that age... the full potential of any age. and now, with this odd shifting of events, with nick, i'm faced with some sort of strange situation now as well. i just emailed him actually because he asked me what my summer plans were (he sort of understands that my time here is limited as well).... i basically said to him that i'm just up to having as much fun as we can. i mean, i guess i didn't want to really breach the subject till maybe after a few more dates to see if there is anything there that "could" be serious... but i guess this full disclosure of eventualities is as valid as anything else. that way, everyone is clear about how far this could go only... but sigh... what if?
.
i've learned no to think of it that way though. this is suppose to be an exciting time of "flux" for me and i probably will meet lots of people in general who seem all that much more interesting... maybe because my subconscious is coming to terms that my experience of my surroundings at the moment is numbered and that i want to get as much "life" in as possible.
.
in any case, i'm glad that we had the chance meeting, if only by a funny shift of fate, and i'm glad we are potentially giving this thing another chance. it's a story i am sure to remember and think upon again in the future.
.
.
my boy nick showing my heart where to go.
.
posted by faux chink @ 1:13 PM
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