Perfectly Un-perfect
so i met a man this past weekend that made me, at the very least, have hope that there were still men out there that could set my heart ablaze. the beauty of the situation though, is what i have termed.... "perfectly un-perfect". basically this means, to me, any type of situation that is absolutely perfect except with a fatal flaw that pretty much determines a failure. this man i met... and spent to be honest a random, and at a drop of the hat no less, four or five hours with, most of the time sleeping... was indeed... such a perfect man. but his un-perfect-ness resides in the fact that that i really don't see much of a potential future with him... and also honestly... this fleeting moment quality of the experience would suffer if i KNEW for sure i would see him again. call me a lame romantic ... but its like those trans-atlantic flights where you meet the man of your dreams ... and in a flash of an instant, he's gone. but its beautiful nonetheless.
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so how did this happen? well... i actually first kind of knew of his existence i think either a year or two ago over the summers from school. he was actually only in houston for business one weekend, and we exchanged info online but nothing became of it and i never heard from him again till now. well, i met him again thursday night while i was just surfing around manhunt to past the time (yes... i know... is it not sad that i have also found not only one, but two, boyfriends from manhunt??!! haha) and for some reason his profile caught my eye. i had this strong feeling i knew him already and it was indeed confirmed when he told me his name and where he was from and that he was in town for business again. well... i was pretty much going to bed already that night but just coyly i told him if he wanted to hang out friday night (he was leaving saturday noon), to ring me up. so i gave him my phone number.
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i'll admit i sort of didn't make any plans for friday hoping that he'd ring... and also i wanted one quiet night as i had plans the rest of the weekend... but still, i was hoping a little. well friday night went and was still quiet into saturday morning and in a bout of insomnia i was just online again and well... it was LATE.... 4 AM... and lo and behold who pops up. i emailed him, really in jest and said that he was coming in late, did he have some "fun"? he said he went out with his co-workers and just got in... but what intrigued me was when he said, pretty directly... "come over" to my hotel room. haha... i thought he was joking and told him if i came over... i'd just sleep. he said, that's fine... the air conditioning was wack in his room so a warm body would be nice. so in a last minute decision, i went.
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i know this sounds like my quest for love has hit an all time low, making a love drama out of such a clearly "hook-up-ish" thing that occured in a hotel at 4 AM... but hey... i tend to see things differently from most people.
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the thing about this man was that he was one of those rare guys who i tend to meet maybe once or twice a year who amaze me in the sense of how much i am "immediately" attracted to them... on all levels... physical, mental, intellectual, personality, etc, etc. ron was like such a man, and even to this day, what i remember most about him, was how much i felt "chemistry" with him. this 29 yo businessman from san francisco who grew up in... guess... Nashville, TN!... was also such a man! he was absolutely adorable.... cute in a way that makes you turn twice but in not so amazing a way that its uncomfortable to look at. he has dark hair and green eyes, the manageable 5'11", in good shape, not overtly worked out but not no beer belly. he had stubble, moderate body hair, strong arms... and lets not forget.... a very nice you know what... haha. i love my "boy next door" and he fit the bill to a T. and that smile of his, dorky, but genuine... love it. and of course let's not forget what i could glean of his non-physical attributes... he was smart, articulate, affable, laid back, funny, witty, kind, gentle, sexy... etc. etc.
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how can i gather this from the two hours of consciousness we shared, the majority of it being "intimate" and therefore not really speaking much of any real substance? the answer is that i can't. he may be the biggest prick... he might have been drunk and that was just in a particularly friendly mood... he might have just considered me another hotel fuck on his many business trips. yes, yes, yes. but... well... even in light of all those possibilities... i hope not partly because of them really... the man got underneath my skin. and he was a man i felt good sleep with after .... spooning. maybe that's where all this comes from... i miss it. my life of late has become a sad typical gay man's life when it come to sex... not hard to find a guy to "sleep" with.... very hard to find a guy to sleep with.
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in general, i haven't felt that for someone in a while. there will be momentary attraction, hot and heavy, there will be momentary intrigue, intellectual and stimulating, there will be momentary feelings of, this is such a nice guy! but soon the realization that this will just be platonic. but every once in a while... i'll meet a man who indeed hits a chord in me, rocks my world when it happens, but like a piano string.... resonates for a bit of time, its sound an echo that reverberates in the caverns of my imagination. such was mr. perfectly un-perfect.
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he is a man that i get the feeling i'll run into again ... despite his imperfections.
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posted by faux chink @ 7:40 PM
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