Farewell Good Friends

another post that is slightly old. well, basically, kahl and andy have left our little circle of friends, now for about a week, and i have to admit, i keep myself busy so i don't have to "deal". hmmmm ... i was in nyc this past weekend (which i will blog about) and i spoke to my friend robert about how losing really good friends especially those that helped you acclimate to a relatively strange place, making it feel more like "home" ... how losing those friends, is kind of like a break-up from a romantic relationship. there is not the same, but a similar sense of just ... emptiness ... or, more in this case ... what am i going to do now ... and small musing about running away from the whole thing and re-casting your life anew, you yourself picking up and going.
i dunno, i am not going to go into a long bout regarding kahl and andy. i think i have done enough of that in the preceeding entries. our last night all together though i thought was appropriately done via the independence day celebration i threw this year at my house (and funny enough, i think that was the first house party of mine that both of them came to ...exactly one year before). it was a long day, and even longer two days in preparation for it ... but so many times over the course of that party, i saw all my friends, laughing, eating, and having a good time, that it made me feel so good ... in the midst of something really great. and as the evening came to a close, it made me feel well, in moments where i know a feeling of loss could pervade me, i think my habit is to hide my emotions and to just shut down ... so i don't have to deal. so despite the fact that kahl appropriately hugged me for what felt like an intermittable amount of time, i just couldn't let my reserve go. i dunno, guess i just don't like to share my negative emotions with people.
there absense ... its something that i will just have to get use to. but forever the optimist, i look forward to mpre good times, strengthening the friendships i still have with me, and hoping that such friends as kahl and andy have been, will again stroll across my path in life. till then.


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