1,209,600 Seconds Lived
such is 2 weeks understood in second. i'm sitting here, monday night... trying to remember what happened these past two week... the week before last in a definite fog. usually, looking at my "datebook" i can usually piece together some oocurences but these past few weeks seem to have been a little blase or if not that, than just not well documented in the trusty datebook.
.
there was one thing worth mentioning though for the first week of this walk down memory lane. my missed opportunity to go visit NYC again. i had actually scheduled this flight a few weeks ago, because i missed my friends and missed "the" city. i wanted to feel the pedestrian hustle and bustle again... so using some of my mileage points which i have somehow cornicopian amounts of right now, i got myself a freebie trip. however because it was free, it wasn't the best route though to new york. it was iah via o'hare then to newark... and funny enough, on the return flight, la guardia to dallas to iah. ha. anyways. such a flying itenrary was going to pop me into new york somewhere like 2 AM on Saturday but that was ok, i knew from the get go it was going to be a lightning tour. BUT... so i leave work early on friday to go to the airport, park, check in, go throug security, everything is fine. the plane is delayed a bit, but eventually we get boarded. when we actually board we're told that due to weather conditions in chicago we might be delayed somewhat. already, it was going off in my head that i was most likely going to get into NYC even LATER than 2 AM! i continue reading my book, Love in the Time of Cholera, which is actually starting off allright, another hour passes, and they announce that all planes have been grounded at O'hare and that we are probably going to wait at least two more hours. well obviously, even if i did stay, this would mean i would have a hellish night to get in sleepy eyed saturday afternoon into NYC... FUCK THAT. ha! so i just non-chalantly told the airline guy that i didn't need to take this flight and to give me my points back. man i wish every flight i took was so care-free of consequences. it wouldn't have been worth it.
.
so i didn't get to NYC.
.
and that weekend surprisingly immediately had another thing to do... look at houses! that issue has actually pre-occupied a lot of my time these past two weeks. one reason being that my supervisor was gone out of the office for almost two weeks... the first week was fine because we had a deadline to deliver a booklet... but the second week was very much without direction. so to pass the time, i basically scanned through HAR.com and really looked at houses because somehow of late i decided that i don't want to waste money on association fees even, which is what would happen in a townhome. so, a signifcant time at work was devoted to surreptitiously looking at the website and analyzing market areas and utilzing company printers to print out house flyers and maps. and then the weekends were spent looking at this beauties i found... or shall we say... not so beauties. this past week, instead of working out, for three days in a row, after work, i drove around the city looking at the various neighborhoods and houses that i had circled the day before at work. if nothing else, i definitely got a chance to get a feel for the city in terms of nicer areas versus plain ghettos. the funny thing is that at the price range i am looking at... solidly middle class starter home.... i am finding a WHOLE SPECTRUM of quality and quantity in abodes. some of the nicer ones really have a nice, homely, suburban feel to them, and some of the less nicer ones have been delapidating structures next to crack houses. but alas, what they say about books, goes for houses too...as i found a house extremely cute on the outside... but which looked like somebody had been hacked to pieces on the inside...and smelled like it. hmmm... next!
.
one of those hurried drives around town, mr. d. came along... and got a migraine in return haha. i mean, its the worse time to look at houses because the setting sun is so low on the horizon it is always in your face. its ok though, he got laid later on and had my wonderful company for a meal. i'm still a little unsure about mr. d. to tell the truth. i think i don't wanna get into anything serious, but i can't think of a reason that's really valid of what he's doing wrong. and in some ways i feel it necessary to justify that he has some blame... as in.... i can't go serious with him because he's... blank. but to be honest, i can't think of anything that's really important... at least not important for what we have now. but i dunno, i just don't feel the "umph" i want in a boyfriend from him... he just seems to easy to like, and he's nice, he's smart in his own way, articulate, genuinely kind. but i just don't know why i'm not super interested in him? i think i don't want to really admit, that it is ME, and not him.... haha. maybe i'm just not ready to get into anything serious, despite the opportunity that seems "fine enough" right now. i mean, i've even gone out on a date with another guy (which is another story upon itself!) and enjoyed it. its almost as if i just wanna date and that's it. is that shallow of me? and of course, i also just want friends too as well... which after this date with this guy i just mentioned, makes me even more sure that most gay men do not think that way! my last meeting with mr. d. was a sort of compromise meeting. earlier in the week, he had invited me to spend the evening at his place because his roommate was out of town... in some strange way, that really turned me off and made me think.. whoa NELLY! so i came up with a silly excuse that i was hanging already with friends (which happened totally after he mr. d. suggested the idea) and that if he wanted to, he could join us! haha, when that day rolled by, i actually did hang with Esau (note... that is Jake's real name!) and some of his friends and had a great time bowling, really really just fun, and even met a guy i thought was charming! and then afterwards mr. d. drove over to me (finally after 2 months!) and had dessert with me. and it was fine enough, in the parking lot though when i tried to kiss him, in what i thought was a relatively private situation, eventhough out in the open, he overtly avoided it and just gave me a kiss. someone has some major PDA issues.... AHA! that's the reason i can't go steady with him! haha... whatever... its more like that i wouldn't go steady with someone that enjoyed PDA toooo much... danny was like that. ha! anyways, so again... i dunno what to do about mr. d. our conversations on the phone seem to have expiration dates, we're good for a solid 10 minutes or so, but after that, it sort of trite and i just say...well, i'll talk to you later. and in some ways, i think he also got the message when i declined his offer to "spend the night", although he did seem to take it very well.
.
other men issues? well, two weeks ago, i had dessert with a new guy that was quite nice actually. despite the fact that he invited me over to look at his townhome (our conversation was about my house search), i didn't hook up with him.... although i found him attractive and funny in a quirky way. a week passes by and we were suppose to go view a historic mansion in galveston, seems fun. it was sunday so we decided to have brunch first... funny enough, he invited another guy over who he said was just a friend as well... and when we drove to pick him up and stopped in front of the apartment.... i was somewhat perturbed because it was the same apartment as a guy i had hooked up with before. an "OK" hookup but definitely in the ball park of individuals you don't wanna see again. And low and behold... guess who this guy's friend was! HA! Houston is officially TOO SMALL!
.
all throughout brunch though... which may i add was really fabulous!... both of us played as if we had never met before... and who knows, maybe he totally forgot who i was. but i didn't really care. it also helped that we had ordered bottomless mimosas so everyone was friendly. i told the other guy this after we dropped off the friend and he got a kick out of it. we were going to just go catch a movie but the guy said let's stop by his place and so he can check online what movies are playing. i dunno if it was the mimosa but we end up in bed. and well , long story made short, i did something i'd rather not. yeah, i accept blame for having poor judgement but i also think this guy deserves some blame for not respecting boundaries either. it was a situation where you realize that if you don't stand up for yourself, people gonna walk over you. but from this lack of respect on his end, i've come to the conclusion that i'm probably never going to see this guy again. i think he's an inherently nice guy on most respects, but in terms of respect itself... not so much. and that's important for friends or lovers. men... all just dirty rotten scoundrels.
.
i'm glad though that i have found some good friends though. despite being bipolar, esau has been a saving grace to my social life. and despite what attraction there is or isn't, esau has become a distinct friend and i'm glad for it. we throw each other friendly banter all the time and we talk about serious things as well and best thing of all, he knows a few more people than i do and he's not cheap on introducing them to me... which is fantastic. he has been my proverbial "hookup" to almost every single social activity i have had here in houston with more than 2 people. i met some of his friends who have been guys who tried to date him but figured out he just wanted to be friends (i think esau is comittment phobic... maybe even more so than i am haha... maybe that's why we enjoy each others company) and i've even met his sprighty hair dresser and her girlfriend... whooo... lesbians! anyways, all good... and i'm glad i have a little bit of a social life.
.
home has been a little quieter of late. mei had to go back to taiwan to take care of her mother for a bit so obviously i haven't had her company over the weekends. funny enough though, some of these weekends i have actually found myself alone at home... and for now... enjoying it. last saturday, i turned down invites to hang out, in favor of making escargot for myself, having bbq chicken, and listening to a new CD, and watching a DVD.... it was a great evening! its just nice to have a little JUST ME time ya know. not that friends aren't great but i think i have to remember that inherently, i am a pretty self- focused person.
.
hmmm? what else. oh yes, this past monday, i had my first college "representative" experience when i met with a cornell prospect for coffee and chatted with her about her ideas about college and also about architecture. it was an interesting experience and i think i realize that for my future "interviewer" job... i have to make sure not to talk so much. but the context of this meet really was about me sharing my experience so i guess that's ok. this upcoming week starts some of the college fairs i'll be going to representing harvard... fun stuff baby. who knows, maybe i'll find a smarty harvard guy to date. pooh... i'm done with dating... men are pigs. haha.
.
so there ya go. 1,209,600 seconds. gone in an instant.
.
posted by faux chink @ 9:26 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home