10.27.2006

Tempus Fuckit Cogit Serendipitous

sometimes i can't believe how "time flies"... correction, i can't believe that i use that silly excuse when really what i should be astounded by is my ability to procrastinate. a thousand apologies, my dear readers, for i do know it has been almost a month since my last entry of any real substance, so i will endeavor to overcome my current desire to just "fuck this" blogging... and try to point out at the very least some of the highlights of my life as of late, which actually after the accrural of a month's time, a few things are worth mentioning.
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one week was for the most part devoted to helping out at my two alma maters for college fair week. and when i say week, i do mean a span of five days where every high school in houston seems intent on having college fairs. i did three of these things for harvard, and one for cornell... the distribution mainly due to the fact that cornell asked me last minute and as i only have so many days in a week (college fair week being only one week) i had already given the lion's share to harvard. my first harvard fair i tag teamed it with a real oldie at it and i am so glad too as i probably would have never understood the magnitude of such an event if i didn't. the next two fairs i attended, one was a similar "presentation" format, and one was a "browse" format... i did fairly well at both. this was of course, after i wrote up a little shpill that i also power memorized as well... haha. but all in all, the whole experience i think was very rewarding. beyond the fact of being active in "almuni affairs" as i do wish to be, i found out i do enjoy "giving advice" to young people. some of the kids i met at these fairs were funny, silly, stupid, and some brilliant and very promising ivy league candidates. but all in all, i enjoyed to opportunity to tell them about the school but also in maybe a small but still pontifical way, try to impart some "self-knowledge" about higher education in general... and to try to round out the perspective of these often tunnel vision (because they are so focused) kids.
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i told my parents that actually i love volunteer work, and working college fairs is a great example of the kind of people i feel i can help... younger people... mostly because i intently know what they are going through and can impart my experience and advice. this is in comparison to say the geriatric side of volunteering opportunities... i am 27 year old... more or less in my prime... old age is not a thing i seriously can empathize with... and somehow... i feel that is essential to really be of any help to people. i dunno, its just me... maybe my perspectives will change as i grow older. this upcoming few weeks, instead of college fairs, i am shifting gears into interviewing harvard candidates... which again i am looking forward too, but with a degree of trepidation undoubtedly. (these kids are all going to be way smarter than i am!)
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that week i was working college fairs was truly exhausting. after work, i immediately had to drive to these fairs, four out of the five weekdays, i was working fairs. i later found out that my efforts were quite well beyond the usual call of duty of my fellow alumni... but oh well... i hope it made a good impression!
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throughout this month coincidentally, every wedensday night i have also been attending a lecture series on "landscape urbanism"... some of the lectures were definte snoozers but some were actually fascinating. this always happened on wednesday , and as esau's and i's habit of haunting onion creek is also on wednesdays, i have had to appear a little later because the lectures let out around 8:30. however, funny enough, our trips to onion creek have also dried up. the last time i went to the OC, was during the first week's lecture (of 4)... the second week i actually had some issues to resolve and missed out on OC intentionally. the third week we got rained out... but finally the fourth week, we also got rained out, but esau was adamant about steak...so we went to outback... which turned out to be a plesant conversation with esau and a new friend of his which i think is now my friend as well... a hector... and to some degree a reynell. both gentleman are nice, interesting ,conversant... and we were having a jolly time. during that steak dinner, because sex and the city was brough up... esau posed the question of which personality matched us... of course, i got pegged with the caricature of samantha. ok ok, maybe i have more sex than the people at the table ( i don't think i have sex THAT much though... i' be lucky to get it consistently once a week!... god.. a month!) maybe its just that i am very "sexual" in personality... in the sense that i am open and free spirited about sexual expression. yah... that's it.
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and speaking of my friend esau, we have continued to get to know each other and i think its safe to say now we are distinctly in each other's lives... as friends... completely. actually... at the moment he is dating someone.. THANK GOD! (he definitely needed too!)... and i am... sort of... dating someone (more on that later). anyways, we have our occasional tiffs... mostly because he has this strange habit of assuming activities that were suggested but never clearly confirmed, as happening... and then gets disappointed when i supposedly "back out". ha... i know myself... when i clearly say i will do something... i'll do it. if i don't answer a response... it means i am unsure and not to hold me to it. but anyways, he gets over them pretty fast... and of late... his general mood has been a lot brighter i have to say. however... we are so close now that he feels he can tell me that i am dating a loser guy.
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which brings me to mr. d. yes... i am still seeing him... and our acquantance is odd as it morphs in frequency very much so...especially this past month. just this past week, i did not see him AT ALL.. nor exchanged phone calls (which apparently he is pissed about right now... more on that later)... but the week before last, i think we saw each other 4 or 5 times just that week. i think it was like one friday, sunday for brunch, monday for dinner, thursday for something else, and then friday again. which all of the more makes me surer and surer that i think ultinmately... in the end... it really is ME that has the issue... meaning, despite what i might say... i'm just not in the right place for anything serious at the moment... or spoken in a more self-centered tone... yet somewhat true.... mr. d. does not inspire me to get out of this place of not wanting anything serious. esau told me i need to really tell mr. d this clearly ASAP...and the sentiment has been repeated by a few... so i think it is time. it's unfortunate... i do "like" mr. d. he very smart and conversant and excited about life and he's cute for god's sakes.... but where is the "za-za-zoom"???
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god... if only i knew exactly what it was that makes me attracted to someone. and i really don't think its just looks either... there is definitely a "chemistry" factor in my brain.... and although i think i am trying to train myself to be more rational about the situation... when i think of mr. d.... my heart doesn't flutter. honestly... sometimes to think of my heart fluttering for anyone at this moment... gives me a headache! ha. so anyways... i have to work up the nerve and be a man and just sit down and talk to mr. d. about... "the talk". funny enough... he texted me today with a short message (also the first text he's ever sent me)... saying "u never call me".... WTF?? i am going to dallas this weekend and i will deal with this later (that's the attitude alex!... ha!)
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where's the man that will sweep me off my feet? part of the reason also that i really need to resolve the mr. d. equation is that i have met another guy actually. in a weak weekend moment i hooked up with a guy and although it was really sort of a satiation of my inner samantha... the guy did set up a certain...spark... in me. not sure if its the ellusive "chemistry" but there's definitely an interest. and although hooking up screws up my no sex for three dates mandate... i think the situation can be a virtual "reset" if i do go through three real dates with him without sex again. and yeah... i'd like to get to know him. but in order for my conscience to be at peace, i need to resolve mr. d. a man who i have been "seeing" for now two months... he deserves to know the real shake out and to have us both cut our losses and make out without too much damage. and this other guy also told me he doesn't do the "but i have a boyfriend thing"... haha.
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i wish finding the "right" man was like finding the "right" house. because... i have found the "right" house. i'm not sure if i mentioned this in my previous blogs, but i have been looking for houses now for a while.... it started out at first as townhouses... but after further thought and some encouragement from my parents and my realtor.... i decided to look for a house to call a home. all in all, the house search took me only a month to be honest... but yes... in my previous blog i must have mentioned HOW MUCH time i was devoting to house hunting. well anyways... approximately two weeks ago, i was AGAIN wasting time at work on HAR.com (because i had nothing to do!) and i ran across a very cute little bungalow right north of the Heights, which is about only a 7-8 minute drive from work. well.. hello... that was the first plus. then when i actually went to the open house (which my parents also went too with me...so they saw the house at the same time i did!)...all three of us were pleasantly surprised that we liked it. the house has a good "chi" so said my dad.... and it "fit" me and what i needed to do at this time in my life. plus, plus, plus. and the price...although a little high on my budget at first, after some smart negotiation (thank you mom... that was a skill well worth learning!)... the price dropped to something... somewhat... more affordable to me. i will definitely be "budgeting" but not significantly more than i would have been with an apartment or whatever.
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the experience has been very interesting. the back and forth between realtors... the talking to constructors and building inspectors about what is wrong with the house, etc, etc. the thinking of creative financing packages for the house... blah blah blah. but somehow... i had a feeling from the get go... that this house would be nice... and that... i would "like" to call it mine. the funny thing about life is that there are just some things "meant" to be yours...in some ways... this house was like that... as it had been on the market for a while and the owner was starting to get a little concerned... almost desperate as it seemed there were no bites... not bites that fell through... but no bites at all! this clearly came through when after we made our first offer which was significantly less than his asking price... he called it halfway already on the second round. however, this is where that fascinating negotiating skill my mom showed me came through... in effect... for example if there was an original difference of $10,000 between our first offer and his initial asking price... at the end of the day...we paid only $500 more than our first offer...effectively. it was meant to be yours... now if that is a good thing or bad.... we will see. but already i am getting very excited... the other day i measured the rooms, and drew up the plans in CAD.... so that i can begin playing with furniture placements... haha... so GAY.
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but that was what i am saying? why can't finding a man be like that... when you have so many signs that its JUST RIGHT??!! ultimately its just ONE sign... and i tried this out. stand in a place... and just be calm... breath in slowly...."feel" the place. if its good for you... you'll feel it. with my man situation... i have found a house that on the surface... i think "should" make me feel good...for the reason i have already mentioned... but when i really just relaxed... i can't affirmatively say that it feels right you know?... i always have to couch back to a notion of what "should" i be feeling.
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maybe i'm just not really in the market for a man. the older i get, the more i believe some higher power is situating things in my life... hopefully for the better. is this just a resignist attitude though?
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how has work been? my supervisor has been in the office maybe only half the time this past month. i was given another project to whip up while he was traveling which i handled admirably...with congratulations from my supervisor... ka-ching! in general, the nature of the work...actually... when you step back for a moment... has been pretty interesting. our dubai project finally wrapped up... thank god... i was getting tired of it. and i had a very short one week charette for a presentation for a developer in india (no..i didn't go.... and speaking of travel... where the fuck did my trip to china go too?? sheesh!)... but this past week...we have started what actually seems to be a quite interesting project... an actual city proposal of sorts. well city is a great term for it...as the projected habitation is upward of 2 million people. anyways....we are actually only the landscape consultants for the actual urban designers (no other than calthorpe... the peter calthorpe that i read about in school!) but still... since we all know that landscape architects/ urbanists are the people who actually have done most of the work that affects the nature of cities (other than zoning officials!) than it goes to show where the real weight of "urbanity" lies. anyways... this week at work actually has been interesting... and full of moments of real design! i know i shouldn't be giddy as "designig" is exactly what i should be doing and was hired for anyways... but still .. the intern mentality is well embedded in me and often the most i expect to do is to draw pretty pictures and correct lines and notes! but design.... wooo. i have also realized that i actually am a great "team" designer. meaning that i am very nimble mentally... and can suggest some very good ideas ( a lot of key ideas in the current design were my initial suggestions/explorations)... and in some ways i kind of like this position... a sort of... fountainhead of ideas for a stream of designers.... i'm happy they can take my spark and ignite it into something beautiful. very aries of me... love the begginning... bad at carry through. i really should be a developer... flip flip flip!
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anyways, just a quick note on the past few weekends and i think my hands are tired and done typing! last weekend i participated in the AIA Houston home tour. on one day i volunteered to docent for one of the houses so i could get a free ticket to go see the other ones...which i did with my mom the next day. it was a fabulous time... and i think my mom liked... not necessarily the houses.... but a lot of the details and materials inside the houses... ideas to populate her mind for her upcoming house/temple (which they made a passing comment one night that they want me to be the GC for it.... what? more on that later!). the weekend before that i found myself back at JRs and Sobe... this time with esau and company of course, but also with mr. d.! OHHH...i forgot... i had dinner with esau AND mr. d.... and funny enough... mr. d. afterwards told me that they had actually gone on ONE date a few years back... and at least mr. d. didnt really care for esau. esau never mentioned anything and he wouldn't i know... and i don't really care. anyways... maybe thats why esau thinks mr. d. is a loser... hmm... i dunno. there is still a lot about that boy i don't understand! anyways... it just makes me think how SMALL houston gay life really is! anyways.... i had a freaking blast at Sobe that night... mr. d. did not accompany me to Sobe... and weirdly enough at JRs he wasn't too touchy either (i dunno WHY! he seems to want to be boyfriends in private... but he won't treat me like one in public!... maybe that is a definite red flag!) anyways... i really did have a lot of fun for some reason.. i was just flying high that night... and i only had one drink! haha. esau that night also met the guy he's currently dating... so we're ALL GOOD! The weekend before that... all i REALLY remember is going to see some houses again (oh.... the sunday after that was the first time i saw MY House!...oh btw..i close on the sucker in december and will move in shortly after.... hopefully i will be able to have a present opening there!... what a christmas present!) yes... and the other thing is that i went to a little party that the chinese employees threw...because of chinese moon festival of course. all chinese except one white guy.. and he was there because he's wife is chinese so he has to be there. funny enough... i saw him again at dim sum with the chinese wife's parents... he's totally getting china-fied! anyways... i have to give it to the chinese... they sure know how to BBQ! love it.
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just this past week i gave my "self introduction" lunch presentation... my goal of ordering in chinese food instead of the same old trite sandwiches and pastas again...worked without a hitch...and the presentation itself... made the night before...also pretty much went off without a hitch. some questions here and there after it but in general nothing more or less than everyone else's presentation. although funny enough... i just was able to also share the news that i had "bought" a house as i had signed the contract only two days before!! you see... it all works out. serendipity is something of great importance. there was one serendipitous moment of late. it was the night me and esau and mr. d. had dinner... we also went to go watch a movie as well. well...after the movie... mr. d. told me he parked on floor 3... but i said goodbye to him..basically pushed him out on floor 2... funny enough i call him to apologize and he told me he actually parked on floor 2 and only thought it was floor 3. furthermore... i couldn't remember what floor we parked on but had a hunch it was floor 5.... so we gave it a shot...and it was.
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this weekend i will be going to dallas to help my parents with some of their new house/temple issues. of late, i have actually been consciously trying to cull a good relationship with them. i think its also by default... as since mei is not here... they by default talk to me more. one weekend, i actually made the decision simply to not go out and they were surprised (i had also been out that whole week after work, so actually a rest was due) but still they were pleasantly surprised... you're not going out? funny enough...when i said i was going out saturday... my dad seemed a little disappointed. haha.
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i really can't wait for this house to work out. man... you believe it... a house? hmm.... i remember saying before that 27 was going to be year that everything changed.... 6 months into it... hmmm... got one thing checked off the list. and in planning... hopefully starting the licensing test will happen once all this house stuff settles up at the begginning of next year. and a man? god... i'll leave it up to serendipity.
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