The Next Best Thing
this evening, fate gave me a small freebie of sorts. its one of those that all you can do is laugh at. so, just to be straight in my telling, let me just admit that i answered one of those online hookup ads, just to pass the time. usually these things don't pan out and i think i do it just really to pass the time for real. anyways, so i answered an ad and funny enough it turns out that the ad was posted by my ex-bf, ron. and funny enough, despite seeing it was me who answered, he replied back honestly... saying who he was. we had a very brief email interchange, he mentioned that "you just had to laugh at the irony of the situation".... and i think you did. i told him, that even past our moment in the sun, he still found ways to make me laugh. we wished each other the best... and that was it.
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i'm going to take this in the best way i can. despite what people might think or whatever, this little interchange acted as a bit of closure for me. something that i really needed. ever since me and ron parted ways, i have wondered what he was doing and where he was. like i said before, when relationships end on a bad note, the drawback is that you suddenly lose a person out of your life... immediately. it takes a little getting use to because where there was at least... something... there is now nothing. just an email, but at least i can now replace that hard painful memory with something a little more light-hearted... something that made you realized that life truly works in strange ways. and eventhough a pair of people sometimes just can't work things out... if there was something of some sincerity before.... there is always some weird connection.
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people come in... and out... and in your life... in the strangest ways. but at the very least, what happened this evening, comforts me somewhat, knowing that he's at least.... ok... and now... we can even share a small chuckle about how funny life can be.
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Don't Wait
The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
You get one look
I'll show you something that the knife took.
A bit too early for my own good
Now let's not speak of it again
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
Don't wait, Don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by
Don't wait
To lay your armor down
- Dashboard Confessional
“Don’t Wait” is currently what’s playing as my phone’s annoying (to others… I for one, love it) ring tone. I think it’s a little tongue and cheek since the chorus line keeps repeating “Don’t Wait”… so apt for a waiting call don’t you think. Anyways, this is just a little clever way for me to segue into a little blog entry about not being able to wait for my upcoming vacation. I was driving with my cousin to Dallas to see my parents for Mother’s Day this past weekend and one of the shared conversations involved my habit of picking up and going, for various reason, every two or three years for the past decade of my life. Having lived in five places, including two states, and two countries in college, I guess it primed me for a itinerant life, two years in jersey, two in Cambridge… and maybe two here in Houston? It just got me thinking that now that I have almost been in Houston for a solid year…. What has gone down?
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Sure sure, I have gotten situated in a job that I actually like… truly I do. But I just had a review where I expressed that because of the way my original profession is set up (that is architecture… the building kind)… for me to get my license… I would have to spend some more time in a traditional architecture office… as opposed to the landscape architecture / urban design practice that I am spinning my wheels now in. So it got me thinking… how has the last year of my life… professionally… affected me… for the better or worse? Getting upon 30… I find that the idea that “simply experience counts” is starting to get a little old… and that if its really to help you… the experience you get has to be able to get you past some certain markers in life... and for me, that marker is licensure. Which is even funnier because the only reason I want licensure is to satiate my ego… since I really have little intention of practicing architecture in the future… but you never know I guess. I guess the heart of the question is… WHAT AM I DOING? AND WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?
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Don’t wait.
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On other front, I haven’t been the only one who has been moving apparently. I a strange twist of fate, after years of pleading me to move down to Houston to be closer to them, my parents have decided to up and move to Dallas. Granted, Dallas is really not all THAT far…. But I think the situation merits a little ironic smile though. The folks have situated themselves very nicely… I wonder if better or worse than I have situated myself here in Houston. In reviewing my “social capital” post-Ron, I have become again congnizant that I don’t really know that many people here in Houston… my age that is. Its funny how having a boyfriends make having friends… somewhat irrelevant.. haha. But, of course, post break-up… and trying to think up an invite list for my housewarming… it became acutely obvious that I needed more friends… straight, gay, whatever… I’m not too picky these days. Maybe I should pick up the old trick of “joining a club”…. Who knows. But still…it would be nice to have some more friends, if not to shake it up who I hang out with on the weekends (other than myself and my dog… haha).
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Don’t wait.
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If there is anything I need to force myself to wait on… its all of the continual “improvements” to my house that I’ve been cycling through. It’s getting a lot better now, that I am moving in.. and just finally being able to “relax”… but I am also beginning to feel the sense that I am using a sense of urgency to do stuff on my house as an excuse to attack other more important issues… which is troubling. Like landscaping instead of looking over business files for my folks. Granted one is something I’d rather so much do… but in the long view of it… here is an opportunity to find a professional niche (looking at business files) versus just a hobby (landscaping). There are a few “ventures” now on my plate which I really need to have a heart to heart with myself and re-organize my method of prioritizing time… one being a fledging interior design service, one being a fledging “design consultant” service, and one being “insert unknown name here” for my parents and all of their various ventures. It has already occurred to me that 27 was a year my life would go through changes of self and of environment… a setting of the stage so to speak… new home, new town, etc. I beginning to think that in the cosmic order of things, Year 28 is to kick off whatever it is that is suppose to happen to me in my life… starting my own business, starting to get my license, etc… I need to figure out WHAT AM I DOING? AND WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?
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Don’t wait.
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And finally, I have to admit that of late I have been missing the feeling of companionship. Sigh, what to do? Don’t wait?
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If nothing else, I will tell you for sure what I can’t wait for. My vacation to NYC and Ptown to see friends and to meet new ones. I’ve already been having silly little daydreams about romantic discoveries or steamy little trysts. Heehee.
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Don’t wait to lay your armor down
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