9.18.2006

I HEART BIG BANANAS


to those who count their calories....
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posted by faux chink @ 3:50 PM 0 comments

9.17.2006

Rites of Passage

tuesday night i was all excited to take my mom out on the town for her birthday. she if now the big 49! man... 49.... old! heehee.... funny that everytime i tell people the age of my mom, they say... wow... she's really young! haha. but hey, i guess i don't know what i'm talking about since i didn't have a kid when i was 22! anyways, basically the night out on the town was just a nice dinner at a fancy schmancy restaurant. actually it really was the high point of my tuesday though, work of late has been a little of a snoozer. well... not exactly a snoozer since the funny thing is that i in a weird way am sort of "managing" a group of people for one the first times in my life... coordinator would be more of an appropriate term, as the real supervisor had to go to the other side of the world (india) and dropped a deadline into my lap. haha. but hey... its fun. anyways, so afterw ork i squeezed in a little gym time before heading to the restaurant, called Skyline... and its basically one of those restaurants that has a superb view on top of a premier hotel in the city. funny though, the real fancy schmancy restaurant at the hilton is on the ground level, whereas Skyline, although haute cuisine is maybe a notch below. whatever the case, i met my parents at the restaurantr and overall... it was a fabulous evening. they for once, loved the resturant i took them too... the view is really to die for and and the food is great to boot. 3 out of four of us enjoyed our entrees, and dad, who didn't care for his... actually got to get it sent back... got a different dish.... AND.... we weren't charge the dish... either one! well, the evening really was fabulous... and now, even almost a week after the event, i feel that i'm still riding the wave of good feelings from my mom, from it. haha.... score.
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this week has been typified by lots of eating out funny enough. other than tuesday, had dinner with jake both monday and wednesday... and actually saturday. we had an interesting development in our blossoming friendship this week i have to admit. monday i took him to a 9/11 film thing at MFAH and that was fun enough, after that we had an MSG saturated dinner that then gave me heart palpitations driving home.... and then wednesday we did our developing tradition of onion creek, along with this other guy he invited that he is psuedo dating... meaning the other guy would like to "date" him but jake's supposedly isn't interested. but here's what i was talking about, after what seem to be a fine dinner to me, later that evening on IM, he begins to tell me that i've been pushing him around a lot or what he think is being pushed around! anyways, he told me that i berate him, belittle him, and don't support him in his tribulations (the latest being that his previous "best" friend is still too proud to "apologize" for the trivial (i think) infraction that occured between them a few weeks ago. i guess my blunt, just "get over it" approach, was not appreciated... and then he starts chiming in that he doesn't understand how i can be so unfeeling and cold and that such lack of emotions will eventually just make me incapable of understanding "real" freiendship.
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jake... despite what he says, is an emotional nutcase. however, i find him kind and amusing, and funny enough, still oddly flirtatious, that i'd like to continue our friendship. because i really didn;t understand the allegation towards me, i figured they couldn't be that serious, so i basically acqiuesed and pleased that everyone works in different ways but if i have offended him, it was indeed unintentional but i apologize for it... which is quite true. the issue more or less blew over, i left him a message with an apology attached, i i think he didn't feel the need to really verbally hash it out (although this experience tells me that one should never discuss important issues via IM!), and we ended up having a fun time on saturday. i took him to another MFAH thing saturday because mei couldn't go (unfortunately, her mom is having some health issues so she had to go back to taiwan... hope everything is ok!) and i honestly had a good time with him. jake is bitchy and neurotic... but he genuinely nice and caring... haha... kind of like a mom!... and to be honest, he is cute in a way... which haha... i have a weakness for cute latin men of shorter stature who have a permanent 5 o clock shadow. we ended up meeting some friends of his for dinner, which i found thoroughly exciting because everyone at the table had traveled so much throughout the world... i love the conversation of international travel.
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hmmm...i think my only non-eating out day was thursday... which can be a nice respite i have to say. but respite not for long as i went out on friday with mr. d again. we had a fun time... our "entertainment' of the evening was somewhat of a date downer though.... watching the play "A Normal Heart" by Larry Kramer, the angiest gay man in new york in the 80's. yeah... lots of downer stuff... and a freaking long play. it was very good though but left us hungry... actually...really hungry...we jetted that place in search of food immediately. something happened at the play though that got me thinking. mr. d told me he saw a guy there who apparently had been fucked by his roomate in a stall at some local bar. not that the story itself is really all that novel... but i dunno... i'm still old fashioned... and the idea that you see someone and that's what going through your head (you dirty little stall slut! haha) is still kind of unnerving. i mean, i'm no angel at all... but still, i like to keep my escapades somewhat... mysterious.... although in this town..... nothing really is ultimately.... the houston gay community is all connected by seven degrees of "little slut who got fucked raw in the stall of JR's". so to speak.
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after the play, mr. d. and i drove around half of the west loop in search for food... it was somewhat late as we didn't get out of the play till 11 ish so not every place was open. anyways...eventually we lucked out and ate at bennigans... where everything went well... actually VERY well... i really got to know more and more of mr. d..... and we even did a little flirtation..... but despite that... he AGAIN was checking out other men... and AGAIN he asked me... if the guy at the next table was cute! oh GEEZ! ok alex.... this is a tie breaker indeed.... so next time ya'll go out (i'd like to go out again!) we've got to put the law of the land down and ask him... what the fuck is he thinking! might as well be the pyscho jealous bitch you know you are now early... before things get serious.
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and what is serious?.... again, lately that thought has pervaded my mind...as that was date #3....and REAL dates... with mr. d. i do "like" him.... and OMG...we had sex in my car already (which was totally not good for my little "plan")... but still... i'm unsure.... if i even want to have what i think this may lead to. he's calling me now just to chat and tell me about his day... which is all nice... and in no way do i mean its at all "stalker-ish".... but still... i think both of us... might be on a little bit of slippery slope... and i'm not sure if i want to be on it.
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i want friends.... a boyfriend would be "nice".... but somehow i don't want that to preclude being able to meet more people as "friends". again... the very dicey situation of gay friendships. or maybe not.... is it actually easier to make gay friendships if its clear that you're attached already?.... haha... maybe if i want to make friendships with absolutely hot boys i could only dream of actually having... haha... they won;t feel the pressure... but still... gay men are so laxed in their definition of "monogomany"... it'll always be an issue. oh well... play it as it goes i guess! and one more thing.... am i on the slippery slope of not having any straight male friends anymore? or god forbid... lesbian friends! heehee
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and today... sunday... was a unique day of sort. it was one of the rare days that i actually spent the far majority of it at HOME.... i didn't go out at all! and i actually spent it with my parents. it felt new funny enough... but good. i got some random things i've been meaning to do out of the way and helped my mom out with some things. since our last little tiff (my mom blew up randomly last weekeend because i didn't think of her when i bought some coffee and she felt rejected and distanced from... which in some ways if late are true to a degree... but classic mom, her emotional explosion was vitriolic and over-exxagerrated (remember coming out!?)... funny thing is... she apologized for it only an hour later... while i was at my cornell alumni thing)) i've been consciously trying to do a few things here and there to redeem myself... some of the things she said in her diatribe were somewhat true.... and i do want to be a good son! anyways, i helped her with some stuff today... just talked to her.... funny how... people just want to talk... attention... is a drug! :)... and we even ate together... at home! twice! haha....i'm saying this as if it all so new... but actually.... now thinking about it....we don't do that often now that i'm working and so intent on my "social" life... so yeah... its nice.
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i got asked our today by a guy i've been talking to here and there. in a strange mood of no bullshit... i told him it was a "non-date"... just a coffee to get to know each other and see if we could be friends first... and then letting things shake out where they naturally would. haha.... maybe that's all the thinking needed. but hmmm... mr. d.... what am i gonan do with you? and jake, what am i gonna do with you? and mom.... haha, i'm still trying to figure it all out.

posted by faux chink @ 10:01 PM 0 comments

9.11.2006

The Usually Un-Unfabulous Social Life of Alex Song

hello kids, how ya’ll doing? well, this has been a very…. social… week I have to say, meeting lots of relatively new people. on wednesday , i started what might become a friendly tradition of wednesday night dinners with jake and friends at onion creek. what the deal? well, wednesday, this usually bar/ coffee place in Houston with a fantastic patio wrapping around the joint lends itself to a grill maestro who whips up a juicy grilled steak and potato for a mere $13. quite the deal and quite a nice break from my usual smoothie diet. so yes, you can see the appeal. but this tradition was kicked off with jake in a most interesting way. before dinner, i stopped by a lecture where my old boss, guy, was presenting… and i said a friendly hello! listened to some academic hogwash and then left early. originally, this guy who i have been talking to on and on online a few days before said we prob never were gonna actually hang out… so to challenge this, i invited him to the lecture… which eventually he ditches saying he just got out of work and instead of being reasonably late, decided just not to go…. hmmm? wtf! anyways, so that social scene went awry but it wasn’t the only one. apparently jake is having a tif with his once “best” friend over something which i think is silly (remember the thing that happened at SoBe a few weeks prior…same nature). anyways…. apparently that guy was there at onion creek and that just made jake really out of sorts (he has somewhat of a childish streak i think).
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anyways, eventually we just find our own little table… conversation was a little strained at first… small chit chat. but as the meal developed, i dunno… i think it was the first moment since i’ve met jake that we’ve actually hung out one to one in real life and… it was pleasant. i played counselor a little bit while he spewed about what was bothering him with his friend (at my request…. i had to have some sort of conversation!) and then after that he heard me go over my romantic travails and tribulations. it was good… a real … pseudo… heart to heart. he’s a nice kid really… a little bitchy…. and strangely shallow yet deep…. but ultimately… kind deep down. i’m enjoying his company… and i enjoyed the steak.
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thursday should have been a good night but i got completely ditched and really sort of felt about it actually. well, mr. d, a guy i went out with on a date a week or two ago, was suppose to go with me to this little mixer at the downtown acquarium restaurant… the opportunity piqued my attention because he had mentioned that he had never been there… so basically i procured the invites because of him. come around 4 pm at work that day, he calls, and says he feel too ill to go (now granted he did say he was sick the weekend prior and hoped he would feel better by then, but on wednesday he was all about going… so i dunno… it made me feel kind of down). my plan 2 of inviting jake didn’t fly bc he wasn’t around, so i drove home in somewhat of a dejected state. and i had not brought my gym clothes so i couldn’t even go burn off the frustration on the stair master. but it was ok, a 30 minute drive and 2 cigarettes later, i was fine.
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friday was my make up date with mr. d… now that he felt better. but there was a slight collision of schedules as well. i think a few days before, maybe the night before in my dejected state, i met a guy who was supposedly a Harvard alumni, and we got chatting and decided it might be cool to just meet for coffee. so i said to him that i’d like to but i would have something later in the evening to go to, and he said that was fine because originally that gave us about an hour or so of chat time. unfortunately, my date with mr. d was a movie date starting at 8:00, so i had to pick up mr. d at 7:30… by the time i got out of work it was 6:30, and i would then have to leave the coffee place at 7:00…. so that seriously curtailed potential chat time with Harvard guy. i called him apologized, and he decided we should just meet another time. i called him over the weekend for a re-schedule but i have a “slight” feeling he’s brushing me off… oh well, not a biggie… although the fact of meeting a potentially intelligent guy should perk me up… but oh well.
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my date with mr. d was fun. we went to go watch a movie and then afterwards had dinner. conversation over dinner this time was much more relaxed and i’m getting to know mr. d a little more… and liking it… mostly. although i have to say AGAIN… the boy checks other guys out! but this is the deal i am trying to rationalize it with, he says… he’s lived in the loop for eight years… he works, lives, and plays here and he has grown to know A LOT of people…. so is it so hard to think he might say hello or acknowledge someone’s existence here and there? i dunno, i guess i have to more closely see if he “checking people out” or simply just noticing people he already knows… still, the blantant loss of eye contact is somewhat unnerving i think. maybe i just feel left out since he also doesn’t ever introduce me either…. but come on alex… just a second date… and its not like you REALLY like this guy. which brings up a point that jake brought up… why continue dating a guy if you already see things you don’t like? hmm… i dunno, of late, i’ve become a believer that it takes a certain amount of time to really see someone’s qualities… qualities that may…or may not… be worth the overlooking of certain negative aspects (that tend to be more obvious bc maybe i am looking for faults?). anyways, mr. d and i finished dinner (oh note… he REALLY likes cheese and ranch dressing on his salad… he poured that shit on like it was cake frosting!) and i drove him back. and then… well… it was suppose to be just a kiss goodnight… but long story made short… we steamed up the car windows a bit. definitely not PG-13!
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which just isn’t what i wanted! it was a clear lack of self control on my point, but i guess my excuse is that it has been a while since my last sexual rendevouz and it was just there in front of me. sigh… no self control. but the problem is also this complicates what i didn’t want to complicate. you see… i’m still unsure about mr. d… and after this weekend, i realized i’m unsure about anything for any mr. anything. i think for a few weeks, i was so wrapped up in an idea of dating (and it supposed logical conclusion of finding a “relationship”) that i think i forgot that to be honest, i’d rather just have friends. and NO! i do not sleep with friends! mr. d could be a good friend… maybe even a cool boyfriend… he’s sweet, kind, smart, doesn’t really make me laugh… but who does?!, and has some direction in life….. but i just dunno. i don’t feel that za za zoom… and even if i did, recent developments have made me question even that! but we’ll see how it goes… we actually ended up chatting later in the evening and i told him jokingly that i couldn’t date him anymore because we had done the nasty…. of course, tone can’t be transmitted through IM and he said… are you joking??!! haha…i think he likes me… for now. he called me the next day (like he said he would!). we’ll see how it goes. but jake’s words ring in my head…. don’t string him along.
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saturday was a tre! social day. the day begun with a jaunt to MFAH with mei, originally to take a sketching class but since i didn’t wake my sorry ass till it was too late, we just hung out at the museum. while we were leaving MFAH, the guy i HAD a crush on, called me (oh… the day before i had paced around the room before i called him and left a message…during a time i KNEW he wouldn’t pick up heehee…so pathetic!) and asked if i wanted to do an early dinner (as oppose to “maybe” something on sunday night, since he turned my down for my original friday night request… that mr. d ended up filling, bumping the Harvard guy out of the scene… see what i mean by “social”!). and after thinking for a moment, i said yes… went home… got dressed (fancy too… he had to dress nicely because he was singing at a wedding after dinner…so not to be outdone… i donned the new burbury tie alice gave me and the “pink” cuff links Robert bestowed on me…oooh lala. it was such a “non-date”. and it was nice…. but i am TOTALLY over him. we had a pleasant dinner but it hit home even more to me that he wasn’t interested in me in anything more than friends… if that. and i’m cool with that… but
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i dunno… its odd how my attraction for people goes. i mean, from my previous blog entries it is obviously i was waxing estatic about this boy for a few… days…. but i dunno…. when we finally spoke on the phone after i left him that message thursday… in mid conversation… something in me snapped! it was like… i finally realize you aren’t into me…. and ergo… i am so NOT into you! haha… i mean… maybe it some subtle form of juvenile pouty-ness… well… then i don’t like you either… nanny nanny boo boo! but that’s exactly how i felt…. i couldn’t care less about seeing him when he couldn’t come up to bat and say… yeah, i’d like to hang out with you again and this is when. listen up boys! relationships must be reciprocative…. in the beginning, middle, and end. it absolutely takes two to tango… therefore… i don’t mind showering you initially we adoration bc i am into you, but if you don’t reciprocate soon… this boy loses interest.
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ah…i think that is why i felt so hard so fast for danny… because he had no problem in showing me how much he cared for me… and i got drunk off of it. but man… what a hangover of a relationship that was afterwards. maybe that’s not the way to go. but in response to what i said about how often does a guy come around you REALLY like…. i hate to say it… but are the guys i REALLY like… the wrong guys for me?
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so my little crush fizzeled as fast as a shaken can of coke. but maybe all is not loss. i thought up of a silly idea to hang out with this guy next time… but it will be totally platonic though. that dinner truly was… we went dutch and i had spilled no beans about it…. it was a friendly dinner… to get to know each other.
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but after that, i stopped by ANOTHER restaurant and had desert with mei and her friend, and had to attempt to back out of hanging out with Jake, which i said i didn’t have a car because of a false reason… but he actually showed me up and said he’d drive over and pick me up! haha! well, couldn’t walk myself out of this one… but at least i didn’t have to drive. jake was invited to a “movie night” deal at a friend of a friend’s place… and i was jake’s guest. it was a cute experience… hosted by a middle aged cute gay couple with a beautiful “decorator” house… very gay hamptons-eque and utterly disgusting in that i am so jealous of you way. anyways… the movie sucked, but at least he gave us lots of liquor and beer…haha. and that was that evening! saturday was just jam packed… and of course… that wasn’t enough because i ended up chatting online till 4 AM!
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sunday…. not the day of rest i thought it would be! lunch was a birthday lunch for a family friend which was nice enough…. a good Japanese restaurant. but what happened after was just too much social…. my mom had a fit, which i will describe later, that lasted for over and hour… until i politely excused myself because i had something to go to…. a cornell alumni panel for a college information session. it was fun… met briefly some fellow cornell alums and had the chance to speak my heart’s fancy about being an architect and going through architecture school and cornell…. it made me feel old talking to exuberant talented 17/18 year olds. oh well, this old bird still knows some shit!
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my days lately REALLY have been jam packed you know. rather this than boring though no?

posted by faux chink @ 11:40 PM 0 comments

9.05.2006

Leaving Sex in the City

i've been noticing how my recent entries have been like a mini sex and the city drama of sorts.... oh what should i do? why is he doing that? what does it mean? what do i want? blah blah blah. so i figured it would be nice to devote a few lines to other things sans dating and ahem... lack of sex. anyways, so work lately has been to be honest... somewhat of a chore. they have me working on a potentially fabulous project but i'm doing sort of the real "intern" grunt work... not too sexy. i mean, the conversation i have with my supervisor border on the somewhat "charette" like... but then 95% of the time i am spacing out little CAD circles that represent trees. whoa... lots of fun. oh yes... i am also draw "bum-outs" for parking curbs as well... REAL fun stuff baby. anyways, for the first week i was on it i swear i was about to knock myself falling into teh computer screen because i was dozing half the time. this is also when my push to eat only "healthy" snacks at work (despite the plethora of processed packaged crap they have... although i should be greatful i guess) well... it went out the window in favor of some quality sugar high. so sad... and it unfortuanetly is begginning to show... fat ass, double chin. ok... maybe not that bad... but what happen to my six pack? arrrfff.
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the recent weeks on this project though i think i've fallen into a kind of groove. teh project actually is easy to divide into half day's of work. so i frame it liek mini-projects which i am VERy good out... just a matter of how you look at things. i do "projects" that can be done in half a day... before lunch, before going home... and i feel pretty nifty about it. now i do have to admit, the after lunch catatonicism sometimes creeps in... but hey... thats where sugar high, compliments of my company come in. but in general, i am reall crossing my fingers that i can get bumped to some other project or at least some other piece of this puzzle... its just getting da da boring. hopefully soon they bump me over to some exotic locale... china... where art thou?
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as with my attempt to stay free from the bad food at work, what has also been defenestrated has been my raquetball lessons. i just missed my third one in a row today... and the thing is... the past two times... i;ve actually been at the gym and could have gone... but i dunno... just didn;t feel it. instead i've gotten a sort of new routine... 30 minutes on the stairmaster until i am raining puddles of sweat... and then to go cook myself in the hot tub and do the steam room/sauna bit. i have to admit, the idea of being in a big pool of bubbly water with sometime good looking guys, mostly old and fugly though... is kind of a draw haha. one day in the sauna, these two REALLY old gay men were making jabs about giving blow jobs sans teeth..i.e... taking their dentures out. EEEEWWWW!! thatd efinitely was my cue to vacate the premises. but my lack of raquetball is a shame though... now if only i could find someone just to play around with... and to play with my afterwards in the hot tub. now i would go to the gym religiously if that was the case! haha.
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in other news, a little word about my new found friend. i originally met jake about a few weeks after i got into houston... and at first, i thought it might be something romantic potentially. however, i think that was disspelled pretty early on and actually i am kind of glad it did. i mean, not that i wouldn't want it to happen, but jake is much better as a friend i think. why i say that is because he has an interesting personality... like this... i only just recently found out... after maybe 2 months of knowing him, that his real name isn't jake, jake apparently is just a name he uses for online purposes. HAHA! talk about missing the memo, he thought he did tell me, and that i just prefer to use Jake. well... after two months, that's exactly what i am going to use. and part of the other reason is he's "real" name is really strange... not particularly hard to pronounce or anything weird like that... but it just doesn't roll off the tongue well or something... so its just Jake. anyways, jake despite his foilable and idiosyncrasies, is a pretty genuine guym which i highly value in a person. he has some petty issues i think but don't we all. and its refreshing to also have him as an avenue to meet other people... some of them cool... some of them i could pass on.
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we've gone to SoBe... the gay gay club here in houston, like twice so far, and that has been very much fun i think. and once in a while we do little things. in a way... its kind of how i picture a late 20 year old type friendship. we see each other pretty much only on the weekends, and even then, only every other weekend pretty much. but we keep in contact via IM from day to day... and its pretty cool. i'm still thinking though it would be interesting to hang out with him just one on one for once.... we've rarely done that, and the one time we did, we didn't say much, that was at the begginning of our relationship. now that we're more solid fixtures in each others lives, i'm curious about digging his brain a little and seeing if he has anymore secrets..... like i dunno... is that really his face on his head? haha. whatever the case, i think i can safely say i've at the very least made one "real" friend here. there has been a handful of potentials... but you know... its so hard to just rotate them you know... because they all don't know each other. i dunno, i sometimes wish, harking back to Sex and the City for a second, that i could have three other core gal pals that hang out together and have fabulous brunches together weekly... but also have rich individual lives filled with other people as well..... hmmm... that is TV.
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family? well... my folks of late , especially my mom, are begginning to think i have an online addiction, that is.. just being addicted to online. haha... and it partly true. i spend MOST of my life in front of a computer for one reason or the other. of late, i've been consciously trying to put other things in front of my eyes like a DVD or oh my god... a book! partly because in spending so much time online, i have also been eating away at my sleepy time. i'm trying to go back to getting 7, preferably 8 hours of sleep... but at least i tell myself i must sleep at least 6...so its not totally out of control... on workdays! haha. i mean, i dunno..... there is a little bit of monotony to my schedule sometimes. 7 am wake, work by 8:30 am, lunch at 12-1, leave work at 6, go to gym, finish at 8, get home by 8:30, online till 12:30. Sleep. REPEAT. hmmm.... these are the years of your life... that shouldn't be wasted! well its not that bad... i am meeting people and having dinners or some event at least once a week of late... sometimes... really... my whole week is booked! i'm so popular!
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haha... i didn't speak about my family at all? haha... well, they are just dandy really. parents not too much on my case. actually funny enough, i just has a little heart to heart with dad yesterday about being gay.... the discussion being very much leaning towards a positive tone i have to admit... which i am very glad about! but right now actually, they are so busy with the whole temple and new house thing (so they are buying a small house in dallas to live in while the big house/temple monstrosity is being built)... so they are doing very well. currently, i'm somewhat in their favor as well, as i just recently finished the bulk majority of that paper work i have been procrastinating on for like 3 months... and the funny thing was... it wasn't all that hard... i mean, maybe tops... 12 hours of work...spread across the 3 day labor day weekend. not bad at all! and at least now i won't feel bad when they bitch that i haven't done it yet. yeah, that's just the one thing i am concerned about... i am getting a little bit addicted to being online... i'd RATHER do it than anything else. hmmm.... prob not good. what i need is just more people relations... hence the dating.
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ok i can't help myself... just a little smidge about my new interest. i'm begginning to doubt it will be unrequited love... boo hoo. he's been fairly reticent since we've met and the two times i;ve talked to him online since our first meet and referred to setting up a particular date... hmmm.. he's been somewhat... evasive... not direct at all... but not like... ok... i am free here here and here. haha... so i dunno. if i can't even get dinner, it will be a clear sign. but if i do, and after it, if i still feel unsure... i'm thinking it might be useful to just lay out the cards. i can't "play the game" with men i actually like strangely enough.... i just want to bare my soul and see if they will take me as i am. is this a good idea?
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what would carrie and her friends say? now... back to Sex and the City.
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posted by faux chink @ 10:00 PM 0 comments

9.02.2006

Me Likee

last night i went out on a "coffee date" with a guy i met very recently. overall, it went very well i thought... for some reason, this guy simply pushed the right buttons for me. its almost kind of scary actually... when you meet a guy you actually "really" like... on multiple levels... at least in the begginning.... for me... i get kind of scattered brained and become a little pre-occupied about if i'm "good" enough for him or not. i'm not sure if i should regard this is a positive or negative way since i guess negatively one could say a reaction like that is just a sign of low self-esteem.... but in a somewhat roundabout rationality, i could see this as a positive thing, because its these kind of people that make me reach down in my bag of tricks... to see what i can bring to the table.... and that usually brings out some usually hidden gems in my personality.
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a thought occured to me when i was lightly comparing my feelings from the recent spate of dates between 3 guys (ok ok... it was 3 dates with 1 guy and 1 date each with 2 guys (one was just coffee!!).... it seemed like the first two guys i went out with... there was a lot of thinking... rationalizing, intellectualizing, portfolio managing so to speak...."trying" to see if i was into a guy or not. with the first guy, it was like... hmmm... not all that intellectually stimulating BUT he's a good kisser... yeah he can be ho drum, BUT he's a nice guy. with the second guy, it was more like... he's cute, he articulate, BUT there wasn't some strange sensation you get when i dunno... you're... "intrigued" by someone. i mean... seriously, this makes no sense what-so-ever.... because guy #2 was both cuter and smarter and to boot in general, a nice guy... but for some reason... how do you say, there was no sense of joivre de vive in the date. and he annoyed the hell out of me by checking out guys on our date. i dunno... i think i'm going through male menopause... oh, rewrite... you men gay man's sexual withdrawal!
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BUT... this guy.... in a most uncanny way.... and it is always uncanny... when i meet men like this... there was something that made me WANT to get to know him more... and the more i learned, the more interesting i became. i've met only a handful of men like this over the course of my short... or long depending on "what" you count....dating life.... all men that in a strange juvenile way incite fantasies of what it would like... together.... aka... oh my god.... as boyfriends! my point is.... this guy i didn't have to "think" about.... it was just a gut feeling i had that i like this guy. i mean, i'm trying not to make it sound as if it was just my loins speaking (although he is unnervingly adorable!.... very disconcerting!) because it isn't.... this a boy that fills alex's "checklist"
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intelligent... check. articulate... check. cultured... check. funny.... check. well mannered... check. opinonated... check. passionate... check. but open minded and tolerant... check. "quirky".... check. but grounded... check. sensible... check. but fun... check. able to relish in silly and stupid... check. able to teach me things i never knew about... check. willing to share about himself... check. willing to listen to me rant.... check. talks about family in a good way... check. talks about friends in a good way... check. seems genuinely kind.... check. seems genuine.... check.
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haha.... ok ok.... those are the important things.... but here's some of the juicier (and much more flexible) parts of the "checklist". 5'6" to 5'10".... check. of "decent" shape at least.... check. dark hair.... check. green/blue eyes... check (blue). 5 o' clock shadow... OMG!..... check. nice lips... check. nice eyes... check. nice smile... check. nice teeth... hmm... didn't really notice this one. body hair to a degree... hmmm... well... no clothes were taken off during coffee... but this boy has curly's sprouting out of his shirt... that probably says something.... i think it could be good. doesn't matter... i'm sure he's a pheonomenal kisser with taht oh so sexy stubble... haha.
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blah blah... anyways. so obviously its clear i am into him. we talked for almost 2 hours i eventually realized.... about all sorts of issues. conversation was relatively easy... some small moments of quiet but i guess just as rest periods before someone would make some comment that would send us off in another direction. eye contact was there... both were actually listening and i was actually interested in most of what he was saying.
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you know if nothing else... and i mean honestly... this guy would be fun to hang out with just as a friend.
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oh funny story... so we go to starbuck's to have coffee ... and i certainly wasn't the only guy in there who thought my date was cute. the barista couldn't stop flirting with my date... first it was while we were ordering coffee.... the dude literally kept staring and smiling and making small talk with my date. but i knew who was going out with cutey-pie and who was pouring coffee at minimum wage... so there... but still... kind of annoying no? he literally kept looking at my date and smiling while he was "listening" to my order and ringing me up... he actually slipped my credit card towards my date first and then switched it to me.... HOW RUDE! he even came by a few times while we were talking and tried to make small talk... it was actually getting annoying... and i think my date was annoyed but prob less as i guess attention is always kind of nice. we did get free muffins out of it so that was cool... haha. but i think 95% of that evening was "us" time so that's cool... thats what i think. but still... speaking of dating feau paxs... never flirt we a guy who is obviously on a date with another guy... especially IN FRONT of the other guy! so tacky!
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i drove him home and ask if he would have dinner with me. he said yes.... after a split second hesitation it seemed (but i won't worry about it now). to be honest, and this is more reflective of the negative aspect of my self-questioning ... but these "kind" of guys are the kind i doubt would go for me really... ultimately in the end that is... somehow i just don't see myself bringing the necessary "goods"... what ever those are. its moments like these that kind of counter-balance the silly giddiness i have over men i instictively like, causing me to spend half the workday google stalking them (i found out a lot thank you very much).... it grounds me in a way... but kind of makes me scared of these guys too.
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it very easy to dismiss men who you "have to" rationalize into thinking you like them or that you might like them... if you gave them time to show themselves (which i do believe in to a degree but does sound like "settling"... maybe not so BAD a thing no?) like i told my friend jake... that first guy... i don't like "enough" to call him back and see why he hasn't called me back after i replied to his email.
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but that's the thing about this guy i went for coffee with. once in a blue moon, i'll meet a man, who i not only like "enough"... but who makes me.... swoon... this is an appropriate word... to become romantic for. most of the time this has happened... the flame has extinguished faster than it was lit.... but i have to say.. for a few days... it was fun :) i still won't forget the first time i met a guy who i thought was "perfect".... haha, it hurt like hell when he just stopped returning my calls and dropped off the face of the earth... but for a moment, you realized you were just yearning for love as much as the next lovesick fool.... and it was... invigorating in some odd way.
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so who cares if ultimately he dumps my ass eventually after garnering a few free meals? how often does a man come along that you don't have to "think" about.... to a man, who's life is pure neurosis sometimes... this could be a sign of something wonderful to begin... if nothing else... it will be at least a learning expereince of how silly you can fall for someone based on nothing but daydreams and smiles.
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and some facts are encouraging... he's the one who suggested to meet for coffee... so technically he "ask me out"... haha... although i guess you can't really call it a "date". but we'll see how dinner goes... which will a date... and where i'll prob want to get a kiss (and that's it seriously!) if the same magic is there. some strange reason... its making me a little giddy just thinking of it.
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heehee... i think we'd be a good couple... we're very similar... yet drastically different. and funny enough.... if he were to become my boo(oh please oh please... haha... no.. really... kidding...am i?)... it would officially make me a jew-lover.... 3 out of 4 "relationships"? my be the curly dark hair... although the first jew was as aryan as they came i thought.... but what does a silly chink like me know?
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stayed tuned....the swooner's commeth.

posted by faux chink @ 2:32 AM 0 comments