Red, Green, and hmmm... Chocolate?
Gong Shee Fa Tzai! or in white people speak, Happy Chinese New Year! the Year of the Dog has initaited, and let's us celebrate year 4000 something. haha. ok, so i wasn't able to celebrate chinese new year as you would traditionally celebrate it, that is with your family (think thanksgiving), but i was able to celebrate it a little early with asian friends. i got into new york after a relatively quick flight (actually the 6 hour journey was bearable because i was engrossed in rereading a sappy romance novel) and finally got to alice's place. i met her basically after she got off work and we went to have dinner with some of her friends with malaysian. it was fun, then we went back to her place and screwed like bunnies.... HAHA, yeah right. heehee, no we watched tv and i annoyed her with my charm while she started the base for the "hot pot" we were going to have the next day in preparation for chinese new year. .
the next day, i spent half with alice on a quest for cheap supplies for the ensuing festivities and going to this yummy hole in the wall chinese eatery where they have those "meat buns" that are actually baked as opposed to the usual steamed ones... my favorite... yum! after that i met up with robert and we walked around soho and we just browsed and he bought some trendy shoes (the new york is starting to seep in!) and i brought him up to date with my realtively mundane life and he did the same for me. riveting fun let me mention, haha. anyways, we were planning on going to see a movie but there was nothing interesting playing at the time we wanted to see it so we just went back to alice's for a marathon of "project runway".... which i love but i think robert got tired on soon enough. actually... i think he got tired of designers pretty soon in general. oh well, i'm sorry... what can i do, it's in my blood. but hey, i put up with unending conversations about health policy and gossip about people i don't know for god knows how long! heehee.
.
then we had "hot pot" and alice again pulled out a wonderful assortment of yummy eats and such. thank you alice for being ever so gracious a host. it was mostly alice's friends from the year below us (how did she come to know so many of them???!!! but it was fun nonetheless. haha, it became a little more fun when someone brought "special" brownies... or in plain speak, brownies with the aroma of cannabis... ok, more than just the aroma. haha. fun stuff. anyways, i never actually had any before, so i chowed down some and you know...actually...from a completely culinary perspective.... the flavor is not bad note with the chocolate. seriously... it left a sort of "herbal" aftertaste but not necessarily bad... it was unmistakably pot though... but surprisingly "smooth". maybe it was just a good batch? anyways, i had a few but serious not enough to really have obvious effects... although i have to day i think when that layer of food was being digested finally, remember we had like a feast for dinner, i can't deny i was feeling a little funny. eventually as the evening wore on, i think the effects got stronger and stronger because i was getting more and more tired.
.
after dinner and some chit chat, eventually we broke into some poker and per chinese new year tradition supposedly, we gambled. it must have been the pot because usually when i am lucky in gambling, which i was somehow that night, i get overly excited... but i was VERY chill that whole evening. the effects really hit me really late in the night...or early morning what have you when i swear the world seemed to seriously be in slow motion. i remember brushing my teeth before i hit the sack and actually really feeling like i was aware of every single rotation of the automatic toothbrush of mine... like time went that slow... like somehow i felt i could count the revolutions of that toothrbush which realistically is impossible because its like 100 per second or whatever. anyways, it screwed up my perception to say the least. haha...interesting..
the next morning i realized though that i was to old to do illicit drugs anymore. i felt like crap waking up the next day. and that day was actually chinese new year and i spent it mostly on the chinatown bus...appropriately...or not. well, i guess i just have to be satisfied that now the bus stops for a restroom and food break at a chinese buffett restuarant (totally saw that coming ages ago!) and i had some relatively good chinese buffet to celebrate. i finally got back to boston, delt with the pile of mail i had, and got ready for a happy new semester.
.
which i started today. and nothing out of the ordinary happened really but i wanted to make a quick mention of the studio i got. so i am going to dubai, the hip town of the middle east no doubt and maybe even the world, at least rivaling maybe even shanghai in all its glory. overall i think it will be a good studio, albeit being somewhat reserved that it is rodolfo again, but hey... it's not like he was a "bad" professor for budapest. so we'll see how it goes. the trip is february 11th-17th so pack your bags and don't forget your sunscreen!!
.
Interviews and Confessions Part Deux
this entry is a little dated, but i have been in flux this past few days so i only got a chance to sit down and write this relatively important news now. well, last thursday was the day before my last day in houston and i started off the day with my last interview i had scheduled while i was in houston. it was at 10:00 so somewhat earlier in the day. like the other firms i had interviewed with earlier in the week, this was a large, supposedly interdisciplinary firm that did "urban design" work. overall, i think the interview process went well, i think they were thoroughly interested in me since they proceeded to ask many more direct questions like when i could start, where in their multicity firm i could go, and even how much money i wanted. i tried to answer those questions as diplomatically as i could...especially something like how much money i wanted (is that what you are suppose to do?). but i dunno, i got the feeling actually that it wasn't a firm i would be interested in, for a few reasons. a lesser one was that the project scope that the firm enagaged in really didn't seem as developed into the urban design realm as i would have liked, and the thing is, even though i think their enthusiasm to go into those "type" of projects is evident and real, i began to feel like their real "qualifications" for interesting urban design projects really weren't "quite" up their yet. so it let me wondering if i was going to be really able to do any urban design actually. the second, larger reason that began to sway me away from the firm was also they seemed to not at all acknowledge that i had experience before and that i would be going into the firm really on an entry level position. and not that that is a surprising thing, but its not the ideal situation in my opinion in my own evaluation of my talents, experience, and need to be in a certain place career wise. it just seemed that this firm would place me right into the "herd". the funny thing is, this sort of "horizontal" structure to a firm i actually think may not be what i am looking for as i am ideally looking for a position of distinct responsibility. anyways, all of this is fairly too early to say as since there is no physical job offer (from any of the firms i interviewed with, there's not much point in discussing it ad infinitum).
.
anyways, so that was my morning. i got home about lunch time and that's when the second big thing happened to me that day. you know how in my previous entry about my discussion with my dad and how i said it ended kind of anticlimaticly and without much resolvement. well, all i can say is... ye, of little faith. i guess i just need to realize that these things need a little time to settle in and you just kind of have to let things develop on their own. and did they develop. so apparently after my discussion with my dad, where in essence i told him, that the secrecy between me and him and mom was basically making my life sad and i saw as a significant road block to seriously considering houston as a place to "start my life", dad apparently went back and talked to mom.
.
what he said i will never know, and honestly i probably don't want to know. but that day, after i got back from my interview, mom said she wanted to "talk". whooo, i was thinking. actually my dad had given me a head's up the day before that we were going to "talk", but still hearing it from her still had effect. i didn't know what to feel and i guess i was just curious above anything else. so basically, she sat me down and first she asked me... do i want to come back to houston after school. i told her the truth, now at the moment i was in, i had no reservations to come back, meaning that it was relatively on an equal playing field with all the other places i was looking at. then she proceeded to tell me that dad had expressed what i talked to him about and that basically she wanted to thank me for giving her such a long time (7 years) to slowly digest it and to think it over. she basically said, that she didn't want to be something that caused me to be unhappy with my life and that she appreciated the gesture of honesty and the attempt to at least start dialouge. she said that all she wanted was for me to be happy, but she only requested that i don't make a point of it in front of her friends.
.
that request didn't matter really. i was already satisfied that she said she wanted me to be happy. and its true, i am not out to convert anyone. i don't require my parents or anyone to "accept" my lifestyle, but i do require that they (if i care for them and hopefully they care for me) are cognizant and acknowledge my lifestyle. in short, i can't leave my life walking around in circle and walking on eggshells with those i care about. i am not (usually) a flamboyantly gay man, but if i want to and feel the need to to discuss my "personal" life i don't want to lie and start using mixed up pronouns or feel like i can't share that part of my life with people i care about. this especially refers to my folks. plenty of times in my life, i have had "relationship" issues where i wish i could talk to my parents (who are in that way still the closest people i know) but i couldn't because to really get the answer that would be helpful i would have to fully disclose. but above anything else, i just personally feel that honesty is a qualification of real love and care, because its about trust, its about acceptance to a degree, because you accept that you care about someone's well being, and that you try "your" best to understand... but it's not that you have to totally accept this person's "lifestyle" but that you are willing to still accept the person him/herself though. to be simplistic, your closest friends and family may have habits you actively disapprove of.... smoking, eating meat, etc... but you still accept them based on their personality and the shared history you have, which personally "habit" are a part of, clandestine or not. its just ideal that in real trusting relationships, the clandestine part if not there.
.
so my mom basically said, ok... you are gay. i accept that (eventhough i wanted to say i don't require you to accept it, i got the feeling that it would be better just to let her talk) and i want you to be happy. in some strange way, i can't say that i started bawling and started hugging like crazy. in general it was actually very calm, but it was calm in a good way... meaning that i was thoroughly satisfied that at the very least, i had really gotten through. funny to say, but the past seven years of secrecy sort of just vanished in 15 minutes. it even took me a while to really understand and to have it sink in that now, i wouldn't have to avoid topics like love. hopefully this will also put an end to those annoying jabs at getting married and everything, which i am not rejecting because its straight marriage they were thinking of, but because i just am not thinking of marriage now period.
.
i got the feeling or the itch what have you to really "discuss" things and minutiae like relationships in particular, and health, and all that... but i also realized that it was a good moment just in itself and that i should "talk" too much. i waited seven years to talk and when it finally came i realized that "everything" couldn't and shouldn't be resolved right their. i have to bring "them" onto the journey. i basically told them, that i want them to "judge" me based on the overall nature of what i am doing, and that is what i expected of everyone else. if they want to hate me based on my sexual orientation, that's their choice and their perogative. but it will be to their lost if they don't see me as the good, socially beneficial person i truly want to be. i told them that i want to have a 95% "normal" life and now that we can "talk", they can be part of that. i told them that my life did not drastically change but now my life with them would not have to be in shadows and beyond that its not like i would now morph into something completely different.
.
which is all true. my personality mode and my life directions have been in the making for years now, those won't change. but this point on honesty between us is what i needed to take the next steps in my life. i am happy that they have decided to take those steps with me. because i really still need them.
.
i prayed to have god give me the strength to do what i felt i needed to do, and that's what i still pray for. now that there is transceparency i feel like there is even more impetus and expectation to really do something "good" with my life, and expectation in a good sense, not overbearing. because now, i can really try to express my life as i want to, to not be hesistant about things, to take my life in control of my self and do things, to live my life so to say. i am not saying now its easier, in fact, probably even more challenging because i in a way have further molded my life and like i was saying before, now eyes are turned even more on me. and i want to prove to everyone, epsecially my folks that all their care and love and attention has, can, will foster a life that really is an addition to society. it makes me even more aware that now i have a priority to really exceed in life, to really give back, and to really show that my life, ultimately, in maybe just the smallest way, will leave impact for the better, and that it is because of my acts of honesty that this becomes truly fruitful.
.
there is some old saying that basically says you choose everything that befalls you basically. you choose it because it is through the nature of your reaction to the uncontrollable things in life that you live either a happy life or not. at this point, i've come to believe that honesty is part of the happy life i envision, so i made this choice to finally "come clean" so to say. i can only hope i made the right decision, no...i take that back, i can only hope and pray that god will give me the strength to make that decision the "right" decision.
.
i see it as a harbinger of good luck that this developed near the begginning of the new year, the "solar" and "lunar" new years. this was at least one resolution that i was able to take, and in some ways, i think the most important of those i talked about. happy new year.
.
Caught With Your Pants Down
heh heh...ever feel like this? ahhh... v-day is coming up yet again. another single v-day. oh well, just my luck that my relationships have all begun after or ended before v-day.
.
no chance to be one of those gross saccharin couples. heehee. fine... raunchy hot one night stands are ok too i guess. :-P
.
Interviews and Confessions
yesterday i officially started the 2006 job interview season. i had my first scheduled interview and after that decided to call up the one firm which said they wanted to meet but did not state a time yet and got an interview slot with them later in the afternoon. was i nervous? hmmm, i don't really think nervous is the right word, more just concerned. i knew i had practiced enough with thoughtful answers although in either interview, none of those questions were really asked in that particular way. i mean, its sort of naive to think that an interview situation would be like some sort of pretyped dialouge following your drafts of answers for certain questions. but it was a good amount of nervousness and in general i didn't find myself stuttering or wavering too much in either interview.
.
in general, the first interview went very well....mostly because i think there was a distinct connection between what i could offer and what the firm wanted. it was sort of one of those situations where they basically said, you are just at the right moment in your career and we are at the right moment of our firm development. beyond the basics of what i found was appealing was that they were very candid in stating to me that this is not a begginning position, but an intermediary one, one where i would be directing other people and working more on the client side of things. in essence, i would be working under the director of a practice group...making me in essence, with maybe just a tad of exxageration and over-formality... but an assistant director. not too shabby eh? overall, i was impressed that the company was willing to say... we see you above the "ruffian". hopefully their offer will be commensurate to the perceived enthusiam i saw.
.
the second interview didn't go badly. but i don't think it was quite a home run, as the first one felt like. and i think its because there was a initial wrong match in what the firm was and what i wanted to get out of a firm. that's why i wasn't really too perturbed when they didn't seem enthusiastic about either a potential offer or even suggesting that they were looking for people really. reason being, is that despite this firm doing urban design work... they really are a landscape architecture firm instead, and me being a regular architect, there could be some disconnect. and i think they are willing to hire architects, but ones with distinctly more experienced, 8 to 10 years. in short, they are not willing to develop the next generation of principals from someone not of their field to begin with...which is more than understandable. and i think it makes sense for me too... that i want to find some place that is also willing and engaged in "protege-ing" me for me.
.
this type of relationship is actually what my boss was speaking of when i talked to her last week. she said that at this point in my life, professionally, i needed to look for position that would put me "on track" towards better things...consciously. i need to be under a senior official who is engaged in passing on their knowledge and experience. otherwise, i'll get loss in the shuffle and have to move up the ladder with a lot of unnecesssary time and legwork. for better or for worse, it is up to who you know... not as a system of privledge, but as a system of efficiency. you still got to, as my mother would say, have stuff in your stomach, but alligning yourself with people who can get you plaes, and proving that you've got the brains and bravado to do so, that's how you make it. haha... before this becomes a self help book, i'll stop there. so all in all, i think i have one more seriously "potential" job offer in hand at the moment. i hope they won;t be scared away by the amount of money i asked for on the application form... haha.
.
in other news, i had an interesting type of interview today as well. fellow readers, friends.... i broached "the" topic again today with my dad. basically, i tried to come out again. well, not come out, as that suggest that i wasn't out before... but let's just say to... "beat a dead horse" about it. at least that's how i feel. in general, it went over as i expected... anti-climatic. why my dad, hmmm, i dunno. he seems the calmer one and the one that i already have a history of trying to remind my parents that i am gay. and also that i am really concerned about mental anguish or stress i might cause my mother, whose health, in real honesty, hasn't been so hot for the past few years. i mean, i think if both my folks were seriously robust and ironman/woman kind of folks, i would have been... fuck it... let's state i'm gay...they'll get over it. but i don't think that is the case, and i wouldn't want it on my conscious that i might have demoralized my mom to teh point that affected her health... that would be crushing to me. so that is why i am trying to enlist the "help" of my dad so to speak.
.
so basically i said, can we talk dad, in private. we took a drive and first of all, he came out with this long ass talk about what he and mom were doing was all for me and all of that. and you know, honestly that's all cool and that's what i told him once he finally stopped talking. but i basically told him that i have two lives. one in houston where i'm straight, the other outside where i am gay. i told him, that i am at a point in my life where i have to decide what and where i want to do with my life and if that life involves being in houston, i can't lead two lives anymore. i told them i wasn't saying this as an ultimatum, i am not asking them to accept anything. all i sam saying is that i want to say this, to be honest about it, and shoe them my quandrary. one where, as it stands now, because we don't talk about it and assume fairy tales, i find myself in a situation where i choose choice A and my folks are happy and i am miserable, or i choose choice B, and i am happy and my folks are miserable. of late i realize that can't be the way i think because we're not talking about separate entities that are completely independent. i won't be happy if they are unhappy, and i like to think that they won't be happy if i am unhappy. what's teh solutions? i suggested that basically we've got to start talking about it. for seven fucking years i have been trying to talk about it. i may not have ideally come out initially in the best light, fuck, i was under so much stress from that incident, that i quit school for a semester... but right now, honestly... i REFUSE to believe that i can't even TRY to get a complete sense of self.
.
i am a extremely lucky person. not once in my life have i had to really worry about anything. and all the silly stuff that i use to think was important, age and maturity and experience have taught me otherwise. i've gone further than many, and have the greatest potential to really do something great for society, for people, for myself. and i am fucking excited about it honestly, and extremely thankful. the only thing i realize is holding me back, is the issues we try not to face, thinking as if they will resolve themselves. no.... they will not. nothing in life will happen to you if you don't do anything. i cannot lead this life of partiality anymore. and right now i am not asking for perfection... hardly. i am asking that the lies stop and that we try to work towards a more honest relationship.
.
so i told my dad, in really calm terms actually... basically that. i am at a crossroads, i am not forcing anything on you, i am not asking you to choose one way or the other, what am asking for, is for you to listen... to be aware... to acknowledge that i have this issue and that i am trying my hardest to work through it but that i have hit a stone wall... and cannot get pass this without your help. i was asking for help.
.
in all really serious matters i have never asked my parents for help. i have been independent, brazen, determined to find my own answers. they've been there, don't get me wrong, they have never made me feel as if they didn't care. but the problem is.... on this issue of their son being gay, i don't think they have ever listened.... and i haven't said enough. i share blame in such but i am tired. i am tired of seven years of complacency slipping into delusion. i am tired of feeling liek as long as they don't know any specifics than we can dance this elaborate dance, each getting acidly more tired of it and frustrated, but for the opposite reasons. i am tired of fearing for what could be a horrible ultimate conclusion to not doing anything... a life based on an integral lie, for whatever good intentions it might have been borne from, but a life i think that will grow more bitter as it is sweet.
.
call it youth and optimism, but again... i REFUSE to believe that i can't do anything about it.
.
my father's reply? what did i expect i guess? he told me that he heard what i said and that i heard what he said... and that we should start heading home because mom had made lunch.
.
all i can pray for is that some step was made today. its all about small steps. you know... that what i pray for a lot lately... that God gives me strength to do what i feel i need to do. life is passing by incredibly fast and these are moments that could effect me for the rest of my life. every moment is a chance to change, but we get caught up in the ease of familiarity and complacency and comfortability and i think we forget what our dreams were.
.
you know, i hate to make it sound like a movie gave me the cahoonas to bring up the topic, but the other evening i saw this movie called "Last Holiday"... which was actually very warm and good. in short, it was about a woman who was informed she had three weeks to live. she had lived a very quiet, shy, and fearful life... and ultimately, thinking she was going to die... she decided to do everything she never did because she was either too afraid or thought that it would never work for her. ultimately she became the toast of the town because she exuded a zest for life that probably awakened in other people this slumber of complacency we all seem to walk around in. she took control of her life and lived the life she wanted to according to her rules. so i dunno, i would think that if i only had three weeks to live, i would certainly do exactly what i am doing now... being completely honest. you can't expect to control people's belief ultimately, but you can control your belief in yourself i guess.
.
we'll see how it all shakes out. otherwise, i lead an amazingly blessed life... so a little heartache, might be ok. but like returning merchandise, you never know if they'll take it back...unless you try.
.
not to dig up the whole saga of brokeback mountain again... but i did come across the great heartful image of the movie... the absolute most best scene in the book at least... an artless momoent, and a funny vintage image of what i assume was another movie titled the same, but maybe it is photoshop because the subtext seems just too funnily related! (they answered the call of the wild frontier? what's each others asses? where no man has gone before? haha)
.
Home Stretch
hello all. its my last week in clutch city now and it looks like it won't be a quiet one. i had my last day at work for my short littel internship on friday a few days ago and it went over without much fuss. i had a short conversation with the boss lady afterwards to sort of pick her brain about my professional life and all. i dropped a few i hope subtle hints that i'd like to work for her if, and only id, she descides to hire a registered architect onto her staff. actually, i do mean it in the best way. i had a great time at this firm and really do feel like i could learn a lot from everyone there, stuff that i actually want to learn, except the only thing is that my IDP stuff requires that my "hours" be signed off by a registered architect...which is missing at this firm. but beyond that, i tried to part as graciously as i could and probably redundantly expressed my gratitude for working with them this past three weeks. geez, i felt i should just hug the woman or something! .
the past few days have been marked by the beginning of the job hunting season. as of so far, i have three interviews lined up with area firms, it finally dawning on me that if i am seriously considering houston as an option for after graduation, it might be good to utilize this time to look into some places. as opposed to having to come back for an interview or whatnot. anyways, i have also been perfecting my resume, my cover letter, my reference sheet, my design sheet,a nd my business card, all the little things that i just so much love to do... not. the cards are pretty snazzy looking though... haha. i have also been doing a little research on these firms, trying to figure out clever things to say during teh interview to show that i really know what i am talking about and that i am just sooooo excited to join this firm. heehee. you all know the drill.
.
i am looking forward to a little relaxing time though i hope. not that i haven't been fairly relaxed already over break. i mean, strangely enough... the schedule of wake, drive to work, work for 9 hours (1/2 day on friday) come home, eat, mess around with "tasks", and sleep by 11 or 12 so i can get 6-7 hours of sleep at least... this seeming monotony... actually is nice after a while... and dependable...or dependent? anyhow...it hasn't been to stressful and the dark circles aren't so noticeable. but it's only a few days left before i head back up north... friday's task. i should decide if i want to stay in nyc over the weekend or maybe i should just head straight to boston and recuperate some before monday starts? it's chinese new year though...i should celebrate with my whitey cracker friends. Ha!
.
a few things to wrap up other than the interviews i guess. i have been juggling in my mind if i should have a "conversation" with my parents or not. now that the reality of the "potential" for "starting my life" here in houston is becoming closer and closer... i'm begginning to realize i really can't take the luxury of the shady area i have been with my folks for the past almost seven years now. something has to be said because you know honestly, before it was easy being like 1500 miles away....to feel like you could lead two "separate" lives. but, now....i don't want to come home and have to lead that kind of experience. its not fair to me and its not fair to them. so somehow i have been throwing this thought around my brain about how to diplomaticly talk about what happens if i come back to houston... alot closer to my parents. i know i need to be able to lead my life and continue my search for the GUY i want to spend my life with... and if my folks are in same town... they will need to know that at all. I mean come on, i am not asking much am i, i didn't say they need to accept it (although it would be fantastically great if they did)... all i want is for them to acknowledge its existence. so i won't have to lie and they wouldn't have to delude themselves.
.
honesty is the best policy i think. i just have to figure out how to bring it up. i need to get it out of the way though. seven years have already been way too long.
.
speaking of the perfect guy... maybe he's look a little like this fellow...heehee. (scott speedman from the underworld movie)
.
The Apprentice, Mini
today my boss took me to a very interesting business meeting. before i talk about, i want to mention, if i haven't, that my little gig here at this firm over holiday break has been quite the eye-opener in the sense that this has been one of the rare employee/employer relationships i've had where i really get the feeling that an authority figure is really "looking out" for me and concerned about how i proceed professionally. it is actually an amazing kind of notion and feeling to have your employer really rooting for you and making steps to seeing you develop. and i am not talking about nepotism or anything like that, but a real professional sense of wanting to thoroughly gauge your abilities and then see what kind of challenging ropes you can handle. a lot of my previous employers, and i have had almost 8 now that i am looking over my resume once again, have all seen me as more "production" than anything else. i hate to say it, but i think it the usual mentality of the architectural profession, thinking that "interns" are a dime a dozen, as opposed to potential future colleagues and like it or not...competitors. i mean, terms like "cad monkey" do come from somewhere. now at times i've thought, well alex, maybe you're just not upfront and agressive enough...which i could buy as valid. but on the flip side, i think professionals who are acting not only as authorities but also mentors like it or not in a profession of a"apprenticeship" like architecture, also have a responsibility to really search for "potential" in the young people that come to them.... to pass on the torch so to say.... to someone who deserves it. anyways, before i get into a vicious rant, i just want to say that i think my boss is pretty cool.
.
anyways, so she took me to a "TEC" meeting / training session today. she's a member so she brought me as her guest. as far as i understand it, TEC is a worldwide organization of CEO's (or anything who is the head of a business) who get together to try to share experiences and imrpove through collaborative effort and education, the practice of their own respective businesses from a multidisciplinary perspective. now, as far as i know, although fairly "prestigious", we aren't talking about CEO's of GE or GM or what not. TEC seems to be mostly middle market business, that is, still keeping a real feeling of entrpreneuralship... which i personally find enticing as hell. anyways, these groups usually get together and invite speakers who are basically business gurus of sorts.
.
at this meeting we had a particular gentleman who ran a market research company who had a very interesting shpill on strategic sale positioning. his basic argument was that of going for a differentiation strategy as oppose to a cost strategy, which much of our economy "seems" to be headed for. his basic premise was that we, as business executives, therefore decision makers, had to see whatever we sell... as not a "product" per se that equates automately to price (and therefore focusing on cost strategies) but as an "agenda" that fits into customer needs of business... meaning... what does the customer need in order to do business in a profitable way for him! instead of selling parts in an assembly line, how does your company assure that his assembly line is performing optimally. if you can get the customer to believe that his business will be better by partaking in yours, than you have an ability to charge premiums...and get away from the cost game.
.
very interesting talk. because i was the youngest person in the small group by at least 20 years i would imagine (no google guys here)... i wasn't thinking really about "my" business... but i was sort of trying to test out his "theory" towards something that has been on my mind lately... that is... job hunting. doesn't take much of a stretch of imagination to see, but during the job hunt... what are you selling? pardon the ramification, but you are selling "yourself"... or according to this speaker's theory (which i can't say is "his", bc its basically the same thing i learned in a class at school), i would be selling "my ability to bring value" to a potential employer. and that's how i should frame myself. what is my ability to make your business better? he was also talking about customer selectivity and "control" in the sense that business will favor better by serving ridicuously well their best customers (for them) than trying to serve only at par everyone else. in that light, you must choose your best customers and cast off the rest. n
.
ow, framing it into my current situation... the job market is fairly robust at the moment, and hopefully will be till graduation. i hope that this will allow me the luxury of choosing my employers. and i am not sure if i've mentioned this, but i am at a point in my professional life where i need to start making choices that logically matter, not ones that sort of haphazardly could. that means, going after jobs and positions that really have potential, having that "design" of a career and executing it by finding the most fertile place for such potential. this sounds nice and cheeky but it is my goal and hopefully i'll be able to fulfill it. i remember being somewhat stupid and also forced into a corner bc of teh shit economy i graduated undergrad in, and just taking any job i could get... which was only one job actually. but in that defense, that job did have many perks but often i question if it was a fully utilized span of time in my life in terms of professional development... i'm not sure.
.
but what's done is done. i can only set goals for the future and work towards them. this week has so far been a sort of shock treatment in the job search, having done the artsy part of finishing a portfolio, this week i FAXed resumes to a few firms that i thought were interesting here in town, since houston is a definite option for after school employment. and i'm excited to say i so far have one job interview scheduled for next week... the last week i am here which just kind of really dawned on me... hence the shock treatment in the job search. but i'll do what i can i guess. this is also my last week at my job...a very fast three weeks it has been... and tons on fun. i can earnestly say all in all, this internship...this whirleind internship has been great fun and has let me see tons of stuff that i am interested in. speaking about my previous lack of many good experiences (there were some) in solely architecture... i'm begginning to think if this is just further sign of what i am more and more becoming sure of... that i probably wouldn't enjoy "just" practicing architecture. sigh....adhd.
.
actually speaking of that... my boss institutes a sort of "brigham-young" test as part of her real employment process that she told me about an i found intersting...being as self-interested as i am...and so i said i wanted to take it. so i did, and the results came back today. this particular test is called "DISC"... disc standing for the four "personality" measures involved... one being "dominance", then "Influence", then "Steadiness", and finally "Consciousness". In short, the test focuses on communicative tendencies... there are people who communicate by dominating, then there are those that influence, then there are those that cooperate, and then there are those that "work with the program". i came out as very high D.... meaning i want things my way or the highway, mid level C and I... and a scant trace of S. In short, no bullshit guy who will probably hurt your feelings. haha.
.
i will find sometime later to type out the fairly lengthy profile. i want "yall" to see if its right. but in general i think its pretty on the nose...damn. i didn't think i was that big of an asshole. haha.
.
whatever...just as long as i get to say.... YUR ASS IZ FAYAD!
.
But Can You Call It Art?
today i made a jaunt to MFAH, or the Museum of Fine Art Houston... are attempt at something like the Met or MOMA. the special exhibit was on a whole collection of work from basquiat. now, i would never pretend to be a true "art" connoseur, despite knowing a thing or two about "art"... but let me tell you.... basquiat? blehhh. basically lots of scribbles and writing like a mad man... pin it up, frame it in a nice simple frame... voila... "ART". what do i say... bullshit! of course, beauty is in the art of the beholder. and not to say that my art taste are anywhere near classical, but i did tell my cousin today who i went with.... you know, most "contemporary" stuff... i think is just crap.
.
there was a funny little historical description about an artist by the name of Borgeneaou? anyways, it said that he was basically the toast of the art word...the prize pearl of the ecole des beaux arts and just about the most successful artist of his time and that everyone except the young avant gaurde liked him... the young avant garde seeing him as art's anathema. so in much the same light, despite basquiat's celebrated place in art... i still think his stuff is pretty anathemic... that's not a word i know, but bare with me.
.
now outside the museum was a pretty cool interactive sculpture...basically a metal frame about 15 or 20 feet tall...open mostly and then hung with like a thousand long strands of yellow vinyle tubing... a sort of geometric willow tree... in yellow. pretty near. some fun images for you enjoyment below.
.
this will be the last week of my short gig. hope all goes well. i finished my portfolio this weekend and the big task this week will be to secure some job interviews before i leave town and/or to write up those lost months of journal writing. i've been thinking alot about my "future" lately but i guess i will share those thought later. i'm checking out.
.
oh..shout out to my public. thanks for reading still roberto!
.
The Fabulous Life of the Rich and Famous Part Deux
the last few days at work have been fairly interesting i have to admit and has lef me feeling very "adult" and "adolescent" at the same time. adult in teh fashion that now i am beginning to be privy to the grand networks of influence and importance that "people in power", in terms of a city's "society", are composed of. adolescent in the terms of being only at the beginninga nd being simply able to just say, hi, my name is blah blah blah... and not much more. being an intern at my job has afforded me some great opprtunities recently of going basically on "client meetings" and such where i have been able to see the inetractions between players in "deals". it's also a great way to see how beautiful complex and constructed such multiuse deals are and in many ways it excites me because this type of work is exactly what i think is interesting in terms of "urban design".
.
yesterday, i accompanied my boss to meet a client who was this humble man who is basically developing approximately 2000 acres in fort bend county for high end residential and multiuse commercial/residential/retail corridor... a classic ambitious plan to make subdivisions in malls...as oppose to malls in subdivisions... haha (personal conceit). anyways, the point is, we're talking BIG money...as in hundreds of millions of dollars potentially. but what i think is really exciting is the professional complexity of it. and god love them, of course this meeting was also attended by lawyers for both sides (and just on the side, the lawyers also brought an intern...for good measure...haha). anyways, the meeting was fascinating as my boss is well known in teh city for doing what are called tax increment financing zones, or as we call them in houston, TIRZ areas. what i personally find interesting is this notion of real collaboration between different part of society and profession in working to "create better cities"... it's not just about "urban design" per se... but its about the whole schmorgazboard. and its a lot lot of people talking, hopefully in effective dialouge, that makes it interesting and potential more fruitful than if only person was given the job. ultimately i like to think of it as... "urban orchestration". i mean, like a symphony, it gives validity that it is a collective and beyond that, intimately relies on that collectivity for its strength. i think that is cool. well, in being in on the discussion, even if i was just listening... was very exciting i thought.
.
and today, my boss took me to basically the city's chamber of commerce annual meeting which was a lovely gala of self congratulations really. haha, no... in all honesty it was definitely a site to behold. i would say almost a 1000 or so people who were "important" or of people who wanted to know "important" people... in the ultimate synergy of "better business" for everyone. anyways, it was at the new hilton hotel...and if nothing else was a free lunch and some free "stuff". but yes, the "discussion" as far as we listened to was mostly self congratulatory and without much substance honestly. but i definitely was introduced to very many people, not that i will ever see them again (at least anytime too soon)...well, you know...i take that back. my boss over the summer, of all places, happened to also sit at the table we were at. it was quite a surprise actually...so you never know i guess. houston, any city, within certain circles i guess isn't that big of a place in the end. anyways, i think the best part of the short luncheon was this knowledge again that here you were amongst people who "made a difference" in the city...or at least i would naively and ideally like to think so.
.
i think i really should get some personal "business" cards made up. haha.
.
in other news that i thing just too juicy to pass up. read about genetic flourescent green pigs and the panda pandemonium between china and taiwan. .
anything else? not much. other than work, i've been basically on task trying to make up a portfolio for teh upcoming job season...upcoming? damn, its pretty much here already! heh heh. really should get those business cards definitely. beyond that, life actually has been pretty mundane so check in with you all later.
.
The Fabulous Life of The Rich and Famous
hey folks. if there are any that is. i have learned that robert has suspended his blog for the moment, feeling his blog was getting kind of one note. oh well, guess he's the smarter man who can listen to the music i guess. on the other hand, i am a sado-masochistic fellow who loves both torturing myself with my mundane life as well as unknowing readers. haha...evil laugh!
.
so i continue my existence here in texas. so so... so so. i finished my first week at my three week job and came out relatively unscathed. the best thing i have to say about this gig is that it has a great schedule...working 9 hours for four days a week (which really isn't much more than 8 hours you know, if you have a decent amount of stuff to do) and then on fridays, its a half day. whoopee doo da.it actually is pretty cool. on friday, i accompanied my project manager to a punch list meeting that was more or less mundane... as most punch list meetings are. and then after getting treated to lunch by my pm, i called it a day...and it was just about 1:00. nice huh? i spent the rest of the afternoon loitering in barnes and nobles and doing some listless galleria strolling. ended up with two pairs of pants. man i have a love affair with slacks. i swear i think i have about 30 pairs now...is that a love affair yet?
.
i have something on my mind. and it comes up a lot when i come back to texas to work. and in a nutshell, its the feeling i feel, either self projected or real, of a certain way people may tend to treat me or regard me after hearing of my i "ivy" breeding. that is, when they hear the "harvard" word, its like automatically a switch in personality. or maybe that's just what i feel, or maybe i have just got to learn to roll with the punches of all the smart harvard guy jokes. haha. oh well, that's just part of life i guess. i remember when i was taking some summer classes at uh or those professional application courses at hccs, and i let people know that i was just ona break from cornell. at least with cornell...in texas... they are sort of like... hmmm? i think i have heard of that school...isn't that a pretty good school? hmm.. yeah, its not bad. now that i say harvard? geez, bada bing bada bang! no escaping it. sometimes i make quick judgements and just say i am going to school in boston. and actually i plain out lied once and said i went to boston u. i dunno, sometimes i feel like people feel they are inaccessible to me when they see the harvard glow. and anyone who knows me, probably will certify that i can be pretty dumb sometimes. anyways, its not all bad...sometimes the harvard ding really does perk people's attention... in a good way.
.
but on to other things. the title of my blog entry has to do with what me and the folks did over the weekend. so just some background information. my parents right now are sort of in "semi-retirement". they plain to basically fully retired after i graduate grad school...which is fast approaching folks... ahhh!! anyways, after that they are planning to move up to dallas and build basically a retirement home on a plot of land that they have actually already bought. and its quite a lovely place actually...very bucolic and pastoral with rolling green hills, lake view, all that jazz. actually a pretty nice place for a house you know. however, knowing my parents, it won't "just" be a house. with a smidge of exxageration, my folks are basically planning on building something of a "religious compound"... meaning their retirement house will also have a "temple" attached and "common rooms" and a "dorm wing" for "retreat-tees". in sounds very waco-ish in a way, you must admit. but you gotta know my folks... they are eccentric sometimes, but ultimately good folks, who deserve all the good stuff in the world...because they are probably the most generous and charitable folks i know...serious.... sniff sniff.
.
so. basically this weekend we went looking at "big" houses to get a rough idea or to get ideas in general about what such a monstrosity of a house might look like. a rough estimate of needed square feet right now racks in about at least 6000 to anything like 10,000 depending on how extensive their idea of the "compound" really is. anyways...big house. the houses we were shown by an oh so stereotypical realtor..."oh, i have something that you must see... it is absolutely fabulous!" were all pretty upscale abodes... none cheaper than 1 million... which on the houston market is definitely a "bling bling" house (in comparison to the so cal market where it might be just...hmmm... middle class) anyways, some of the houses we saw were in truth kind of gross... old nasty 1950's ranch houses with tacky flagstone flooring and horrendous sliding doors everywhere and wood paneling...eewww. however some of the other houses we saw were quite the.... architectural digest wanna be's. thank god my parents had some decent taste to lean towards the latter. wheew.... that's another thing about the folks. questionable taste... like me... haha! one house we saw... an elegant, demure 6000 sqft mini mansion racked in at just under 3 million... but was oh so gorgeous. its all in the details babe. it's the antique french wrough iron powder room sink harware...above a rough stone cut floating basin. it's the bronze spacing detail between the ebony stain hardwood parquetry... ummm. it's gonna make me cum. anyways, my point is that, although on the small scale (actually the house had a "guest wing" that added another 2000 sqft to it...so actually it was pretty large)... the house had...quality.
.
the funny thing about seeing houses is...especially ones where the family hasn't move out yet...is that you see photos of strange families and when you have a face to put to the fabulous life of the rich and maybe not famous, its so weird. especially when you see the "kids" and you're like... what spoiled bitches. haha. one to speak, alex.
.
the rest of my weekend was fairly uneventful. i had something of a 48 hour sinus cold, which was fairly quickly alleviated after i stopped being a scientologist and decided to take medication... whence i found out that no longer can you get sinus medicine on the shelf... i think the crystal meth labs in texas have really gotten out of hand....wheewww. anyways, after i gave my id and social security number and bank account...kidding..i finally got my drugs. now all i need is some drano and matches and i can get high.... haha...don;t i wish. so yeah...i had a sinus cold, but didn't stop me from my usual banal happenings in my life. my parents friends....aunty annie and her husband...whatever i should call him (chinese people are weird...so i never knew what to call him so i just kind of ignore him)...cooked up a storm. and damn...they are fucking good cooks. anyways... had a great dinner. sunday night i went to go see "memoirs of a geisha". hmm... kind of slow...but overall it was good. and the whole asian with blue eyes thing....cooool. i wonder if i could pull that one off...haha.
.
anyways, time to sign off. i finished my last paper last week and this week's "task" is to start doing pages for my work "portfolio"....ahhh.... more and more work. but honestly, this old boy would be bored silly without such things to do. oh one more thing...i checked out studio options for this coming studio...not bad buddy. which one do you think i "should" go to.... ultimately its out of my hands since its a "lottery".... but the choices.... London, Seoul, Somewhere in Spain, Dubai, Beijng, Somewhere in Brazil....not too shabby. i was thinking i shoudl rank my choices according to hospitable weather. why not a studio in the bahamas man?
.
my claim to richness and famousness... my collection of mid century vintage designer chairs. 1) Circa 1970 Eames "bucket" chair with bone color vinyl covering, reproduction rockers. 2) Circa 1970 Plycraft Norman Cherner "Pretzel" Arm Chair, excellent condition, partial label.... and my pride and joy 3) pre 1945 "pre-production" Eames LCW, excellent structural condition, minor chips.
.
Harry Squatter and the Sorcerer's Bone
ok, so i saw the latest installment of the Harry Potter franchise the other day and in general i was amused. in a critical light, i thought there were more than a few moments where the transition editing was kind of choppy, as if they had filmed signifcantly more (assuming an attempt to include more of the actual book's plot) but somehow more scenes than necessary got chopped. one non sequitar for me was the whole issue of the clue in the egg. i don't get why it was "neccsary" to solve the clue to get through the second task. i mean, the second task just sort of happened. i don't know, did i miss something. it seemed like that whole tangent was to just justify seeing daniel roberts (what's his name) half naked in that gargantuan bathtub, with the ghost of the dead girl trying to molest him... which kind of brings me up to my main point..
if for no other reason, i liked the installment of the series because finally we're getting some notion that these "kids" are like ....real... in the sense that their sexual libidos are awakening. i mean come on, 14?? they should be screwing like rabbits already. ok... maybe not, but still... the other films were way to coy about sex. and added to that realism were some real hotties in my opinion. i mean, both that "cedric" and that "krom?" character i wouldn't have passed up anyday. both handsome in their own way and right. and i know this sounds bad, and i take it back as soon as i write it, but harry potter himself is not a bad looking kid. yes, he's 14, but give another 4 years, i'll do him. haha. so like i'm saying, the bath tub seen wasn't too bad, and seeing what hopefully will become a nicely fuzzed 18 year old chest wasn't too bad either. anyone agree with me in a non-sketchy way?
.
anyways, i haven't read any of the books, but roberto tells me, in the later additions, there is some at least referenced, "getting it on"... going on. thank god!
.
What do you want me to do??!!
i started my inter-break gig today. industrious aren't i? the last "winter holiday" break i will probably ever have and i am spending well over half of it slaving away at "work". but i guess its make kind of sense. the pay is not too bad (unlike my silly pentance i received during my summer employment) and it is one of those jobs that might "open doors" so to say. still though, i have to be hoighty toighty and congratulate myself for getting off my ass and getting a job eventhough its only for a measley 3 weeks. but hey, again...i could use the extra $1500 i'm gonna make... yowza. teeth whitening here i come...haha.
.
the first day on the job was overally ok. not to much of an afternoon sleepy session, although i have to admit, like clockwork, around 3:30 i was yawning and zoning out a bit. anyways, before i confuse anyone any further, what actually am i doing? well, for the three weeks i am at this company, i'm really here just to "shadow" i guess and see what's it all about. it's actually pretty undescript but like my summer job, this type of internship pretty much is undescript. its different than architecture in a way since i probably won't be doing any "architecture" (and hopefully that is the idea) but might be getting into a little about "development" and "planning"... but this time seeing it from a private firm perspective, as opposed to the governmental, non-profit perspective i had this summer. actually this, for-profit, non-profit differentiation i just realized, probably bc i just wrote a paper on it for housing, but its seems to encapsulate the subtle differences i hope to observe and understand after being in both positions, albeit, the summer job was probably three times longer than this private gig.
.
so what did i actually do. well, in a nutshell, i land surveyed (thank god this is houston in the winter.... memories of sweltering heat and counting parking meters in baking downtown...no thank you!) and then after that i drafted and madeup a quick sketch proposal for a landscape proposal. yes... i said it...landscape. i was a psuedo landscape architect today... kind of hard not to when you are surrounded by landscape architects though. haha... but hey, i guess its all good, i mean...always wanted to experience a landscape studio so maybe this will be a way to do so.
.
landscape architects are an interesting bunch though. i still get a kick out of all the references to species and plants and all. i mean, i'm not trying to be derogatory, bc actually i do respect landscape people a lot, but often the talk sounds a little like you're just using a grab bag of spec... oh let's put some dogwood there and some cherry trees there and some publifoos multiflora there. heh heh. ok, i'm being just uninformend. i should realize that architecture itself can also be quite esoteric and definitely grab bag in mentality... like just spec-ing buildings with "Sweet's". but anyways, it's an interesting side of things. so i designed a little tiny "gateway plaza" today but had no idea actually what kind of vegetation to use. my repotoire of expressing landscaping is like...hmmm.. grass, bushes, tall or short, trees, flowers? that sort of stuff.
.
and to think i took a horticulture class once and rocked it!
.
my first day nonetheless was allight. the people seem nice enough to deal with for three weeks, and who knows, they might just be real fun.
.
in other news, well...hmmm, there really isn't much any other news. i had two assignment "papers" to write over break, one 8 page one which i busted it out in classic intense one sitting fashion and what's left is a measley 2 page one which i am also doing in classic short paper style ala alex... that is, taking my fucking time and procrastinating like no one's business. i don't get it, i have so much more difficulty with short papers, bc i can;t bullshit and stretch out topics. sigh sigh sigh. of course, reader, if you are still with me, you've realzied that i am somewhat verbose in my epistillary antics. hmm, if i am verbose in writing, i wander if i come across as loquacious in speech?
.
anyways, signing off for now. salute to all the world's landscape architects.
.
Flame Factor
fun little site too see how you place on the "straight/gay acting" spectrum.
.
by the way, i took the quiz a few times because some of the questions ask things like if you ever have had a manicure ( i mean, i have had one... that's it). my results range from Level 3 (Mostly Straight-Acting) to Level 6 (Obviously Gay)... so maybe somewhere like 4 or 5 i guess is most accurate.
.
LEVEL 4 -- SOMEWHAT STRAIGHT ACTING
.
A few people might suspect that you might not be a heterosexual. No one knows for sure, but there are rumors about what you're doing on the weekends. Most of your traits are straight acting but a few traits you have are causing people to wonder, but nothing is so apparent that anyone is sure enough to bring it up.
.
it would be cool for all my breeder "guy" friends (sorry girls) to see just how "gay" they are. haha, do you remember that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin?
.
"you know how i know you're gay?"
Age of Aquarius
ok, maybe not really, but i thought it would be a schnazzy way of speaking of the new year, 2006. Happy New Year everyone. oh by the way, the Age of Aquarius, according to various astronomical and astrological calculations should commence in the latter half of the 21st century to teh begginning of the 22nd century, depending on who you talk to.
.
anyways, i hope everyone's new year's eve was somewhat eventful. mine was as good as it probably gets here in houston for me. being not really "my" town, in the sense i only reside here a small fraction of the year, i don't have many friends here or people to go crazy and paint the town with. but before i get "old", i'll do one of those typical night out on the town and finding yourself in a gutter the next morning kind of experiences. haha. it's like the thing about doing a typical "college spring break" in cancun or daytona or something... it would be nice, but who knows? anyways, i had dinner with family and some of their friends and while the old folks got wrapped up with the karoke (yes, my folks are big into karoke), i watched some dvds with my cousin and a friend of hers. and not to be left out of the drunken revelry of the evening, i crashed our "bar" (actually just an old but large stash of liquor from ages ago when my parents had a little liquor store outfit...ages ago) and popped a bottle of moet and had tropicana on hand and voila, mimosas. of course, since i only had "grovestand" tropicana, i soon just decided to take the moet just by itself which is no problem. me and my bottle of champagne... heaven.
.
after watching a movie, we watched the Times's Square festivities on TV like supposedly a billion people in the world. i wonder how they make that kind of estimate, a billion people? that sure is a lot you know. think of what we could do if somehow you could harness "mental energy" and you'd use uber commercialized feats like New Year's Eve at Times Square or say the SuperBowl, and transorm that concentrated energy into well... like electricity. we could put our lemming mentality society to good use. hmm, sounds one step removed from matrix, but anyways, my mind was just wandering again. they would never be able to harness my mental energies, being an ADHD fool.
.
after the NYC countdown, i did something i have never done before. i text messaged like a billion people. ok, maybe not a billion but almost every joe schmo in my celluar phonebook... ok, which is like 30 people. but still, it was kind of cool to have my butt vibrating every five minutes from people replying to my salutations, via text message of course. thinking of which, a billion people can all watch one thing, but not one person can pick up the phone to vocally say "happy new year". we are in the age of aquarius. ;-)
.
ok, so now we have to do central time zone new year's eve countdown. think of those blokes in LA, they could party like four times dude? actually i was telling my cousin that when i become rich and famous, i am gonna charter a "party jet" and fly from NYC to LA, so all my peeps and i can do a toast in the sky over every time zone at the appropriate time. so all ya'll out there, start being nice to me and you might just be invited. hee hee. seriously though, wouldn't that be cool? you'd totally have to get one of those terrorist doors on the cockpit though.... for psycho drunks that is...heh heh. well, my cousin wanted to see what was going on "downtown" in houston, eventhough I could have told her that everything was probably "inside" in the sense that they were club parties or bar things. nothing "public" that is. but she figured downtown with it effluence of night life would probably have some vibe going on the streets. so we drove over there and there was some stuff as in people walking to clubs and bars... but nothing specifically in the streets though. but all the residual christmas lights were pretty and we passed our new year's eve countdown in a car at a stop light. cute.
.
its ok, i was still buzzing on a whole bottle of moet at that time so i wasn't really complaining. anyways, after that debacle we made it over to chacos which is this cute little tex mex place that is like open 24 hours and a big spot for after club revelers because of the good margaritas you can get there and the cheap freshly fried tortilla chips and pretty good salsa bar (although it has sort of diminuated since i last remember). the two of us and a friend of her decided to have a chip and salsa stuffing contest cum maragritas and that would have been lots of fun except for a loudspeaker announcing order numbers ready that sounded as if we were at a train station... that is the intercom sounded like the train. after a while it just gave me a headache but ironically it also sobered me up despite the margaritas and good thing since my cousin who had drove before was on her way to getting semi-plastered. we took as much audio torture as we could bare and decided to call it a night.
.
and that was my new year's eve night...psuedo fun. nah, actually it was pretty allright. i got home fine but i think the margaritas hit me right after i laid down to bed, clothes and all. i woke up the next morning with the lights still on and sun beaming in the windows, one of those situations where you wake up all dressed, get changed into sleep wear and then go back to bed. haha, love it.
.
and so today is the first day of the new year. eventhough i don't really take much heed to new year's resolution let's try em out eh? and to write them down in purview of all of cyberspace might make them more attainable in the sense that now all my peeps can be like, well.. that's not helping your new year's resolution out. alas...
.
so like everyone else, i could stand to lose some weight. but let's be realistic. i'm right now probably like errr... 175 give or take having used the bathroom or not. if i can lose get down to 165 and like...stay there, i'd be happy. so resolution #1... lose weight to 165 and stay there. now the problem with resolutions is that they are sort of liek ultimatums without instructions. so what are "mini-resolutions" that will help. my folks have been lately really getting on my case about all the soda i drink... so maybe i should watch that. so ok... no more soda this year, unless it's in a cocktail...haha. actually with that move, i think it might actually be possible to lose this weight.
.
unrealistic new year's resolution? ha... get a six pack (realistic? get a six pack of beer)
.
resolution #2. since i am graduating, i will soon be in the thick of the finding a job process. resolution #2 is to be smart about it. lately alot of people having been asking me where i will be after graduation, boston, new york, houston, etc? eventhough where is a big question, i think i should really think about what, that is what kind of job will really help me in my goals. for a while i have already been telling myself that my main goal above else after graduating is to streamline the process of getting my license asap, and at most before i turn 30, which being 27 when i graduate, isn't that far off actually. so yes, my resolution is to be smart about finding a job where i can relaistically see myself being able to start my licensing process within a year at most (since i ideally have only about 6 months of "needed" credits left) and then get that license within another year (since the testing probably takes a few months at least). So ideally we are looking at getting my license at 29, six years after graduating... and well 30 is just when i know i need to get an self- ass kicker machine. i hate reducing my life down to numbers but you know, it kind of is like that actually... or at least its one way of thinking about it. resolution #2... get a job that is gonna take me somewhere. there's no more time to bull-shit anymore.
.
unrealistic new year's resolution? find a hot young sugar daddy who falls desperately in love for me and will provide for me forever. .... la de la la... i ain't saying she's a gold digger.
.
resolution #3. make some headway with the folks about the gay thing. ok, i really need to face this soon because i'm really beginning to feel like they brainwashed themselves now. in not talking about it all these years since i "came out", i think they made some turn in the past to make up their own reality and now, believing i am straight are curious when i am gonna get married. my mom the other day was saying that if i didn't get married by 30, she'd "kick me out"... uh? i am thinking... hmmm... ok? if i am still leeching off of you at all by that time, i'd kick myself out...haha. but seriously, they want to see something happening.
.
and in some strange way, if you think about it... the general concern i guess i could understand, and well... share i guess. i'm turning 27 this year, and i think i should at least be starting to think about having at least a more serious relationship with someone...jeez, anyone...haha. no seriously, i've had a handfull of boyfriends already, most of them probably too short of experiences to be really called "boyfriend" realtionships by most people, but still... the point is, i need to "try" to do something longer. problem is i am not sure i'm "ready" for it though. well, i am sort of conflicted about it... mainly because i haven't really met anyone that makes me want to make that "leap" (yes, i think ultimately, its just if you think its worth it to be "ready", but you never really are). dates here and there, and some moments of..... hmm, you're nice... but nothing to make me really consider...calling him back if he doesn't.... you know.
.
anyways, my point is... not that its a "resolution" but if i could find that guy i would want to have something more serious with (sigh... timing....sigh) than it i at least could be more sure of how to approach my folks. i mean, i guess its sort of harder to go against the grain when you don't even have anything to really show that you're going against the grain with, you know what i mean? at least with a "boyfriend" i could take home, there would be something concrete, someone they could despise at first but then grow to like. hmmm, that's how i've always pictured it, a great guy that's just has a great personality, a charmer who can win my folks over. but ok... resolution wise though, i got to weed kill this silly hetero thing they've got growing in their minds. because the possibility of that i see is even less than being a old crabby lonely gay fogey... haha. resolution #3... come out AGAIN to my parents... god, and once wasn't enough. hmmm... strangely though i should wait until after i graduate, just in case the "ride" risks to be evaporated. gotta be realistic.
.
unrealistic new year's resolution? you know i dunno how to phrase this supposedly tongue in cheek jab? because on one hand, the whole coming out redoux is itself unrealistic...and on teh other hand, the extreme of mom and dad paying for my gay wedding is dreamy as well. oh i know what's an unrealistic resolution... knocking myself over the head and realizing that all this time i was actually straight. ha! eewww...
.
health...check. work...check. love...check. that's about it i guess. little resolutions? get a "high pass" in studio if i didn't get one this time. continue doing my outreach work and get some real intervention moments. go to more of those lgbt things and get to know more gay people....friends are great. design my parents' retirement house...again, this time though with topographical and site relevance...and realism. enjoy my last semester at GSD, my last semester at grad school, and probably my last semester...as a semester. ahhh, another page of life being turned.
.
a guy i hooked up once who was a little older, mid-later 30's i think told me once that the best part of "his" life was his late 20's. he said that they were good because everything began to "gel" then... work, life, love, family, etc. sigh, so i await.
.
have a prosperous new year everyone, 2006 style.
.
Gong Shee Fa Tzai! or in white people speak, Happy Chinese New Year! the Year of the Dog has initaited, and let's us celebrate year 4000 something. haha. ok, so i wasn't able to celebrate chinese new year as you would traditionally celebrate it, that is with your family (think thanksgiving), but i was able to celebrate it a little early with asian friends. i got into new york after a relatively quick flight (actually the 6 hour journey was bearable because i was engrossed in rereading a sappy romance novel) and finally got to alice's place. i met her basically after she got off work and we went to have dinner with some of her friends with malaysian. it was fun, then we went back to her place and screwed like bunnies.... HAHA, yeah right. heehee, no we watched tv and i annoyed her with my charm while she started the base for the "hot pot" we were going to have the next day in preparation for chinese new year. 
after dinner and some chit chat, eventually we broke into some poker and per chinese new year tradition supposedly, we gambled. it must have been the pot because usually when i am lucky in gambling, which i was somehow that night, i get overly excited... but i was VERY chill that whole evening. the effects really hit me really late in the night...or early morning what have you when i swear the world seemed to seriously be in slow motion. i remember brushing my teeth before i hit the sack and actually really feeling like i was aware of every single rotation of the automatic toothbrush of mine... like time went that slow... like somehow i felt i could count the revolutions of that toothrbush which realistically is impossible because its like 100 per second or whatever. anyways, it screwed up my perception to say the least. haha...interesting.
